A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for 11years. He is 15 years older than me (im 32)We got together when I had a bad split from my ex - I knew at the time it was a rebound thing and even told him this, but we got on well and even though there was no physical attraction for me I just went along with it as it was easier. (after my split from my ex I vowed never to let another man hurt me like that again - I knew I was safe with a man i didnt fancy - I wouldnt get hurt) There has been several times over the last few years when I have thought about leaving him as there is just nothing there, but he is a kind person and we wouldnt have stayed together this long if we didnt get on would we?? I have admited to a friend in the past the only reason I dont leave is because I am scared of losing everything - I love my house (it is half mine but wouldnt be able to afford on my own) but it has now got to the stage where I want more in a relationship. I cant remember the last time we slept together and we dont even kiss - surely he must realise this is no relationship? but he is just going on as if everything is great which is making it so hard. I love him but am not in love with him. I want to leave but am so scared of losing everything and dont want to hurt him but its now getting to the stage where I am crying all the time because i dont know what to do. Please someone give me some advise. I just want to be happy and have a loving relationship with someone im attracted too.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (6 January 2008):
 You can have a heart to heart talk with him about what you want in your life. Some men do not understand women and thought what they did was right or perceived what you wanted in that relationship.You need to let him know the truth.If he is unable to accommodate your wishes, then there is no other alternative except to say that you want a mutual split .Since you owned half the house, you can either buy up his share or he buys up your share or sell that house and the proceeds divided between the two of you.This will be the last resort if all else failed.You can try to see him from another girl's perspective. If you think he is worth holding on , then try to effect changes in your relationship. If you want to change others, you will have to change yourself first.
A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (5 January 2008):
 I think you should tell him about how you feel. I understand very well when you say you just want to be happy and have a loving relationship and this is what HE wants too. I do understand how your previous hurt could cause you to make this decision in the first place but now that you have healed from that hurt and can see more clearly, do the right thing and don't waste more of his love either by having you and him living in a lie. To be honest to yourself about your feelings is worth a lot more than a house, believe me.
Good luck!
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