A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I wasn't expecting or looking to find anyone as I had got out of a serious relationship at the start of the year, but in July I met this guy through a friend. We just instantly hit it off, and we swapped numbers etc. Since the first day I met I have laughed like I've never laughed before, we have a lot in common but also good differences, and we have similar outlooks on life. I was completely comfortable with him and instantly trusted him. We continued dating and after a few dates he said he wasn't looking to get serious right now because he had a bad break up last year and although he is over it he has other things he needs to sort out in his head. At the time I was okay with this, because I never expected to meet him and thought maybe we could just have a good time together and see where it leads.After a month of things being great, I knew I wanted to be with him, we spoke about it and he said he wasn't ready, and at the time I felt a bit hurt I thought okay, what now?We agreed to try and be friends, that didn't happen, instead we continued dating, which may have been a silly call on my part but I thought perhaps in time he'll want more, and I was really enjoying the time together. i thought I was okay with casual.Fast forward another month, we act like a couple when we're together, and I feel like i'm really starting to fall for him. The only thing that was bugging me was he was distant when we weren't together, he would text but it wouldn't be anything sweet or overly nice (i should add he is like this in person, but with how he acts not with what he says). I was starting to have expectations of talking every day and seeing each other every week. Just one day this week I didn't hear from him all day and thought why? If he likes me as much as he says he does he'd want to get in touch? (I believe you can make time whatever is going on)Then i realised that i couldn't carry on as we were, either i needed some kind of commitment from him or I couldn't see him at all. We kind of texted about it and I saw him a few days ago.I don't think he was expecting me to actually say it but I asked him where he saw things going and he said he's just taking it week by week, I mentioned about the texts and he admitted he does distance himself but not from me but from everyone. He's not seeing anyone else (which i didn't think anyway) He said he really likes me and we have an amazing time together and so I said then can you take that next step and actually be with me? He was quiet for a while and I asked what was holding him back and he said he was just terrified of getting hurt. I tried to reassure him but i said i can't promise I won't ever hurt you, no one can and sometimes you have to take these risks. At this point we were both getting a bit upset. I said i just needed a bit more and if you can't be with me then I can't see you at all. He looked pretty gutted when I said that but i can't help how I feel. I'm falling in love with the guy and I can't do casual anymore. He said he didn't know what he wants and that he's not at the stage where he feels ready. We hugged and both apologised and both said we've had a really good time seeing each other. Before he left i said if you decide you can do this then get in touch, but if not then don't. He nodded and then we said bye. My friends think he'll get in touch but i don't think he will. I'm wondering if i should have tried to wait a bit longer but i don't think i could, I knew what i wanted and my feelings were getting too strong. I just had such a good feeling that this would go some where when we met because of the connection we have, and now I'm feeling quite upset and torn up.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (21 September 2014):
 Yut the best laid plans of mce and men. no, I don't either. It just sounds like this was not meant to be. either on of you were "ready" for a prolonged relationship. Life goes on. No worries, just keep looking.
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