A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I want to try and move past my ex fiancée cheated on me while he was on his stag weekend, and maybe try and be a family again for our young child but every time he tries to kiss or cuddle me, I pull away.We had our child while we were still in school, although we were both 16 at the time of the birth. We didn't stay together when I found I was pregnant but we did get back together when we were both a few years older and stayed together, happy and very much in love. We got engaged on my 21st birthday and had been saving up for the wedding. During this time, I had our second child.When it came to his stag weekend, his brother offered to pay for the weekend as a full on weekend was something we couldn't afford due to two young children and a wedding as well as other daily costs. He wasn't keen on his brother paying for everything so the group of lads he took all chipped in.It was decided that they would go to Ibiza for four days and while they were there a few of the lads had a fling or whatever with girls they met. My ex told me about all of this as soon as he got back and begged me not to tell their girlfriends/wives. I choose not too, deciding it wasn't my place but I did make it clear I wasn't happy about it and that they deserved to know. The very next day after they got back, his brother rang me and told me I needed to ask my ex about his present from the guy who was going to be his best man. When he refused to tell me anything more I rang my ex who told me it was something stupid and not to worry about it. Later that night, I rang his best man and asked him. He said it was nothing either so I rang my brother in law and he told me that the best man had paid for my ex to have a bj from a girl on a party boat. My ex admitted this to me when I asked him but he kept saying he was drunk and had been smoking weed didn't know what he was doing. It was in the middle night but the next day I told him to leave which he did. I cancelled the wedding within the next few weeks and told all our families that it was off. Our youngest was only 5 months old and our eldest 9. Because of this, I allow him to stay over at mine whenever I have to work so he doesn't have to go home. (I work nights at a pub so late finishes). During these days, he always wanted to talk and tell me he was stupid and all that. When my eldest told me that Daddy said he was a silly man and he wished he could live with mummy again but she is mad at him at the moment, we ended up having a huge fight, which actually cleared the air a little.I told him I would consider letting him move back in and trying to fix our relationship but he seems to have taken this as we are back together. He even got me a fiancée card for my birthday last month. He tries to kiss me whenever I get in from work or cuddle up to me at breakfast time in front of our children. I want to maybe try but its too much. I don't know what to do because I feel like I should give it a try but I don't know if I should.
View related questions:
cheated on me, drunk, engaged, fiance, get back together, my ex, stag , wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2015): Young lady, you've jumped the gun and you have two children before you got a ring on your finger and a husband. He's in your life for the long hall, and you can't be playing back and forth at this point. You've got to work it out.
If you want to be a single mom and raise your kids; then so be it. Don't dilly-dally with the lives and security of your kids. I know it will take you some time to get-over the stag-party shenanigans; but you've got to make up your mind about getting married.
Don't marry in doubt. Postpone it until you've got your head right about it. You're too young for two kids or marriage, but it is what it is. You need his help raising those babies; but you've got to make up your mind if remaining a single mom is your choice. In the back of his mind he doesn't want to get married. He sabotaged it all, because he really isn't ready.
You can both co-parent, he can pay child-support, and you can try and swing it on your own. Many women do very well at it. I suggest you cancel any wedding plans and save that money for a rainy day. He can't write-off cheating so easily; when he is already the father of two kids, and was engaged at the time. Then tried to hide the truth about what everyone else did to save their hides.
Men take bachelor parties too far. They get too drunk or high, and invite women into it. What the hell do they expect to happen mixing the two? If you've got a fiance' who is going to investigate your every move, only a total jackass would do anything sexual at his bachelor party. According to guy-code; no one is supposed to tell. He got busted by his own bros! I'm sure the other females suspect, but they're not engaged.
You've got yourself a very immature and irresponsible ex.
Unfortunately, he's got two kids to support. So, make up your mind. Can you do it alone? Or, do you love him enough to work it out, forgive him, and move forward? Don't marry him, and change your mind after the third child! It should all be based on his previous record.
Is he normally responsible, affectionate, hard-working, kind, reliable, protective, a good lover, and a fantastic father to his kids? If he is all of the above, he has redeemable qualities; and he will make it up to you. If he's missing any of the above traits? One is too many.
Wait until you can check-off each and every one of them.
A
female
reader, EmptyWords  +, writes (20 August 2015):
 Your feelings are not unnatural. You're a good mother for thinking about your kids' needs, but don't make that a reason to get back with him. Think about it and figure out if it's really what you want.His excuse is stupid, honestly. Many people smoke weed and drink, and they know exactly what they are doing. However, he didn't have an affair, he wasn't sneaking around looking for someone else. He got excited and made a stupid decision with his friends, once. Everyone makes mistakes. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you or can't be trusted, but you need to make it clear that his actions hurt and you will not put up with it again. He needs to own up to what he did and not make excuses for himself, and he needs to kiss your ass and work to gain your trust back. If that's something he's willing to do, and you can talk openly about it, I don't see a reason not to try again -- if that is really what you want.
...............................
|
