A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, just a question that i'm really struggling to find the answer to. Sorry its really long. I got offered a really good opportunity to study at a world-class university for a year and I took it. I left my boyfriend back home because to me a year is only a short period of time, and I've been back home at least four times in six months and he's been over twice. Yet this time I'm home I honestly feel like I don't want to be with him anymore. He's making me feel like I shouldn't have gone because I've ruined his life. He says all he does is sleep and play xbox. That's my fault because I'm not here apparently. he's unemployed because our country acutually has no jobs. That's why I jumped at the chance to do a masters. He didn't come with me because he was dithering over the issue until I couldn't wait any longer and had to leave. We stayed together, but we fight all the time mostly over I don't give him enough time on skype, or I'm too busy studying. I'm not allowed study as much as I want because if I'm not home to talk to him in the evenings he has an anger attack and says all this horrible stuff about me and my friends. He has trust issues because one of my ex-best friends a few years ago told him that I was having sex with another friend of mine in a bathroom at a party when in fact I was helping him because he was so drunk and was throwing up. Doesn't matter that he saw this for himself, he still believes her even though he hates her. His sister is an absolute genius and will be in the same situation next year but 'its different' for her. He says well he's not in a relationship with her and it doesn't matter that she'll be leaving her boyfriend to do what I'm doing because she's so much smarter than me apparently. he's making me feel like i'm wasting my time, tells me all the time that i'll never be the best, and that he's better at what I do that I am, even though I have the degree and the masters soon enough. He also makes digs about my family and how much I am like them. He doesn't like my family, that's okay because I don't particularly either but he always says i'm the worst combination of both my parents and just makes me feel shit. He's also so mysogonistic. Apart from his mother and sister, who can do what they want, all girls are sluts or 'dykes'and there is no such thing as rape. Also, he's smarter than me because he's a man. this is all when he gets angry. Yet when he's nice, which is about 70% of the time, he's the nicest and best boyfriend, and his problem is he knows this and says this to me whenever I start to bring up problems with him. The way I'm feeling at the minute, I'm honestly thinking of just through my at-home mobile SIM into the river and blocking him from skype so I don't have to break up with him in person. I feel guilty about that because we've been together for three years but I don't think I could face looking at him or hearing him when I do it.
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male
reader, drew22  +, writes (16 February 2011):
 I'm happy for you that you got an opportunity to go study, but I'm sorry you have an a** of an boyfriend. You and your boyfriend fought too many times with each other and now you guys are developing hate for one another, which is never good. And he seriously has some problems, if he doesn't trust you now, he certainly won't in the future. My advice would be to break up with this guy, there are so many other guys out there who will treat you 10x better than what he does and will respect, love and care more for you than he ever did. If you do decide to break up though, take your education first before even thinking about dating again. And remember, you're young so have fun and enjoy life, you don't need a guy to ruin your life. Wish you good luck.
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