A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok...I need some advice.I have worked with this guy for about 3 years but we didn't really talk outside of work, because we were both been in a relationship at the time (him for 3 years and me for 4) until November. In November I gave him my number and we started texting and talking on the phone and decided to hang out. We hung out and it was really fun so we decided to again. A couple dates later we slept together (It was my first time) and that same night he asked me to be his girlfriend. During this time, he told me he hadn't really wanted a girlfriend and had wanted to stay single for a while. When he told me this I said then we could break up if he wanted to, but he said no. So we dated for under 2 months. Then he slept with another girl who he had liked previously, for a long time. I forgave him for that, but we broke up anyway, because we realized we rushed into things and have been apart now for a month. We still sleep together and hang out. It's like we are together but without the title. He tells me he wants to be with me in the future, which I can agree with since that is what I want. I have never felt like this about anyone...even the guy I was with for 4 years...which is why I had sex with this guy. It is hard to explain, but we just fit. I'm not sure what to do though. I want to be with him later on but how do I keep him around and interested until he and I are ready to be together?
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male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (18 February 2011):
Well really, you two need to be together as a couple if you want to keep him around and interested.I don't believe in wanting to be with someone in the future. You either want to be together now or never.It seems like he wants to lead a single life for a bit, have fun, sleep around before settling down again.But while this is going on, you should stop the sex between you two.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): You have become a 'friend with benefits' - whether or not you intended that to happen. He is keeping to interested by saying it may become more in the future. But it may not. So you are hanging around, putting a lot of emotional energy into something that may not be going anywhere. I would stop sleeping with him. Tell him you would like a relationship when he is ready, but in the meantime you are getting on with your life, seeing other people. He will respect you more in the end. Think of it this way - you carry on as you are going now - he meets another girl who wants the 'girlfriend' tag - you get pushed aside. Why wait around to be hurt.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): Er, the only way to do that is to stop what you two are doing and get down to real business. If you still want to get together with him, you've got to communicate it to him. He's a guy and he will not understand signs. It seems like you are on your way to being attach to him while he is unsure atm. That's a red flag to me.
TBH, I would pull away from the fling and think hard about this. If you're constantly with him, you'll not likely to get a clear thinking. JMO.
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