A
female
age
36-40,
*iffy116
writes:ok so my ex (21) and I (22) were trying to do the friend thing. it was difficult because the relationship was brought up frequently (on my part more so). he would keep on telling me how much he loves me, misses me, and wishes he could be with me and have a emotional relationship and then tells me how he wants to date other people, be in simple relationships (oxymoron) and learn how to be a good boyfriend. I asked him to stop playing games with me (i doubt he realized this but at the same time i was letting him do this to me). we wound up fooling around and sleeping together, which i later informed him was a mistake and my fault since i instigated it (even though he complied). we got in an argument and long story short i'm giving us the space we both need to move on. i just dont understand why he is being so mean to me?! i began wearing red lipstick and asked him what he thought (i never got the approval or positive reenforcement from my dad so i was looking at him for it) and he said well since it's winter it looks like you licked your lips too much. and then i asked him how was it when i went down on him (bc i really dont like it and its a source of insecurity) and he said it was fine... wtf?! worse possible answer for all you guys out there... JUST LIE! i mean right now i can't be his friend because he doesn't realize how selfish he is, since our break in communication, he has sent me texts and emails. what is going with him? why is he doing this? I want to let go of him so maybe we can be friends in the long run.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2009): I'm in a similar situation. All I can say is that he doesnt know what he's doing. I went out with my ex about five years ago, and we only began being proper friends now. He'd been messing me around for a long time and confusing me, but i said it to him straight out that he hurt me and that he made me feel bad about myself etc and he had no clue he was doing anything wrong! Because obviously thats just normal to him. His parents treated him and eachother in a certain way so he treats you in that way because he doesnt know how else to be. Talk to him about how you feel. And i mean really talk. And be patient. Guys arent as open as women and dont think or act as emotionally as we do. If you tell him how you feel and he continues being mean then leave his life. Dont put up with people who are reckless with your heart. No matter who they are. Good Luck!xxx
A
male
reader, The old Man? +, writes (27 January 2009):
 You are doing the right thing by adding space. Becoming friends after a relationship isn't something that can happen in the matter of weeks, if at all! You both need to leave each other alone, no contact or communication. Go out with others and put him out of your head. The part of becoming friends will happen in time if it's meant to be. Sometimes that is possible, sometimes not. Keep in mind, later on down the line, you may have a boyfriend who isn't crazy about you being friends with someone you've slept with, just the same as he may have an ex girlfriend who you wouldn't be crazy about. I realize that may sound childish, but often times, and ex can cause problems in a relationship. The same as if your new boyfriends ex was meddling in your relationship. Your ex could well do the same.My experience has taught me that when ex's assume the role as friends, they more often than not, create problems in relationships.You see it all the time on here, "My boyfriends ex is doing this, or My girlfriend is messing with her ex". The best place for an ex, is in the past!I hope this helps,Joe~
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