A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I am 7 months pregnant , and due in August...My partner mid way just became irresponsible and a drunkard , so i ended the relationship. He tried contacting me but i blocked him. His a narcist in nature. I however i am in tough with his family and they are excited about the baby on the way. Should i invite him to see the baby in te hospital once the child is born? i wanted to invite his family but not him. Or not invite any of them...Note: I am the one taking care of the medical bills. i can always take the child to see them once i have gone through labor and those few hectic months after child month. I am trying to avoid the emotional baggage that is bound to come
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2022): For all practical legal purposes, if your ex-partner is the biological-father of the child; unless you go through the due process of law, he maintains his paternal-rights. If you never want him around you and your child, you will have to file for a restraining order.
To minimize the probability of a surprise visit or sneak-attack from your ex; I would recommend that you take your baby to visit your ex's family. I have to remind you, that although you may have issues with your ex; that doesn't necessarily have any bearing on how his blood-kin may feel about him. Blood is thicker than water, and you don't know whom among his relatives are a sympathizer, feeling he has a right to see his baby. His mother, his dad, a sister, a brother, who knows?
You will have to be calculating and deliberate in your actions to make sure you don't get ambushed by his family. You can start by explaining to his mother your reasons why you feel unsafe around your ex; her empathy and cooperation is the most important of anyone, because mom's tend to be a lot more forgiving towards their children than the rest of the world. It's tough to get a mother to go against her own child. Mother's show-up at murder trials for their children; but you'll understand those strong feelings once you've walked that path. Just don't expect them to see it all your way.
Our human nature has several faces. A good-one, and a bad-one. We will say one thing, and do another. One face is for the public, and the other is for when nobody's around. They may show you an agreeable-face; but their other face could be on his side. If they are aware of how you were abused; then maybe you have little to worry about. That is, provided they respect and honor your request that he not be around when you come to visit. There's always a loose-tongue in the group, so be prepared. Call ahead! Hence, all the more reason for a restraining order; and consultation with a lawyer to know your rights.
Please bear this in-mind. If the child is in fact his biological-offspring; he has a right to see it. If you need protection from the father because of domestic-abuse; you will have to consult with an attorney to make sure you stay within the confines of the law. You have to protect yourself, and your baby; knowing he has serious issues that make you feel unsafe around him. You can list all your reasons you don't want him around you in your restraining order. If he hires a lawyer, he will likely get a judge to agree to supervised-visitation. If there is record of physical and psychological abuse; you stand a better chance of protection under the law. Many abused-women who are victims of assault and abuse never file any charges; even when they've called the police many times. Law-enforcement isn't always sympathetic, or adequately trained to deal with victims of domestic-violence and abuse; so perpetrators of domestic-violence often get set free unscathed, or get a slap on the wrist. Even after several complaints or arrests!!! You'll have to go the extra mile for your own protection regardless.
Congratulations on the forthcoming blessed event. I hope everything goes well. May God bless, provide for, and protect you and your bundle of joy.
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