A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 20 years old and have always been really insecure when it came to guys, so I had never dated anyone until four months ago. Then my attitude changed and I met a nice, sweet guy. I had my first real kiss with him, and I was really ready to explore my sexuality so we did some stuff and it was exciting. We never went 'all the way', although we did come close, but we didn't have a condom. He gave me tons of confidence, because I feel like all I needed to do was cross the threshold of all these first times.Last friday I kissed a guy at a party and he asked me to come home with him but I said I couldn't (I'm in college and it was really normal to ask, and I kind of gave the impression I was up for it by making out the way we did. I broke it off with the other guy. The new guy contacted me a couple days later and asked if I wanted to 'continue our make-out session', so I told him I'd like to but I wouldn't go any further, 'because I don't go further with guys quickly' (it all sounded better in Dutch). He said that was fine, honest that I told him, and he still wanted to see me.But, this guy is REALLY cool, he's a DJ and in some cool scene (but also really nice, I read his blog and he's been volunteering, working with autistic children since four years). I'm not waiting for love to have sex, I'm 100% sure I won't regret it, I'm not religious, and I don't see virginity as some precious thing to be lost. I also know everything about condoms and safety and I'm already on the pill. I do want the guy I sleep with to know it's my first time, if he found out by blood or something I would be so embarrassed. So my question: should I just start dating him, and tell him when I feel comfortable and hope my hardest he won't bail? Or should I just get it over with with a guy friend (which I don't think would feel wrong) and be the cool girl he already thinks I am? I also suspect that he may have gotten out of a serious relationship somewhere in the last six months, and may not be ready for anything more than some fun (and sex with a virgin would feel wrong to him so he wouldn't do it, even though I'd want to), but I could be totally wrong about this (facebook-information).On a side note, both guys told me I'm a really good kisser the first time we kissed, and I hadn't asked and they didn't know I had little experience. Do guys always just say that because they think they're supposed to, or because they think it will get them somewhere, or do they actually mean it? Does any of you say that and why?
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condom, confidence, insecure, kisser, still a virgin, the pill Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for answering my question. Well, it's not going to happen any time soon, the guy from the party sent me a message saying he was going to be honest and cancel on our date, because our intentions were different (I had told him I wanted to take it slow and he obviously wasn't looking for a relationship).I'm not going to wait till marriage, because I don't want to and I don't see the point in making it harder for myself. In Dutch culture, no man is ever going to expect me to still be a virgin, and I don't believe any god will punish me for doing what feels natural. I do think it's a very romantic idea to be with only one man in your life, which is probably why I waited so long, but I'm just not as romantic as I used to be.I am going to take it slow however, and just see if a nice man will cross my path. If he likes me for me, he will wait till I'm ready and not care that I don't have any experience. It was just a moment of panic, of being behind on the rest of society, but I've calmed down a bit (probably because the other guy passed).
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2012): I'm older, yet married. For a while I pursued other women and believe me, a virgin is a prize. However, now that I see the error of my ways I no longer play around. It' more serious than you realize. You should cherish your virginity and save it for your husband. It is the best gift you can give him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't talk to this guy friend about it, it's just that we always flirt a lot and I think he might be up for it if I asked. I am attracted to him, and I think he is to me, and I trust him because we've been friends for about a year. I'm not sure why nothing's ever happened (beside intimate dancing) because I think at parties I was pretty obvious. He does seem to be more interested ever since I've been less available. I think he thought I was too innocent, I do seem to give off a good girl vibe. Well, maybe the new guy won't be so surprised after all.Reading back my question I feel a little slutty and desperate, but now that I'm finally meeting people and dating I feel like this virginity label would define me for guys.The first guy I broke it off with I just didn't want to string along anymore, because I really wasn't that attracted to him, and after I realised this I couldn't wait to say it any longer. I kind of wish it had already happened with him because he didn't care and was nice, but after deciding I didn't want him I just couldn't think about even kissing him anymore.Now I'm seeing the DJ guy this sunday and I told him nothing else would happen, so I guess I'll just see where it goes for a couple dates and wait till I know and trust him enough to tell him. We talked for a while and he did seem really nice, he wasn't drunk like most people (and it was 7 A.M.), and when I talked to him after the party he remembered everything I'd said.After sleeping on it I realised I shouldn't panic and just take things slow, and have fun, and be confident. What's bothering me though is that he is part of this group of friends and even though I've become pretty confident, I really don't want to lose face with them. I think this inner desire to be 'popular' has always been one of my biggest character flaws :S.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (28 December 2012):
It's hard to say how a guy will react to the news that you're a virgin. For most guys (not teenagers) it'd be an honor to be the first. However some may worry that you'd fall for them too quickly and they may break your heart. Other guys dream of being the first.
Myself I never have been with a virgin but I've been with a couple of inexperienced women and there is something appealing about that innocence.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 December 2012):
 Some men are scared of blood, some are okay with it. I think it is courtesy to tell the guy before you have sex that you are a virgin. Guys don't like to hurt us women. Knowing that you are virgin they would know to go slow and gentle. If you don't tell them and you bleed some guys would think you are on a period and might get mad that you didn't care to let them know.
There is no way to tell how a guy feels about taking one's virginity without talking to them first. Guys who think like you, like virginity is not something sacred, will have no problems handing you the rope.
So in total you talked to three men? The first date you broke off with, the DJ, and a guy friend?
Pick the one you are most attracted to. For the first time you need a lot of natural lubricant.
When people say you are a good kisser, it just means you are a good kisser.
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