A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been screwed over in a couple of relationships all the time mostly got cheated on, or guy leads me on or simply just being used and I'm sick of getting hurt. I was naive then but not anymore. Now I just want to go the route of casual dating or casual sex without having any emotional attachments but the problem is I get attached after sex (Is this normal? Why am I like this)? I'm confused because I want to just date casually or have casual sex so I don't get hurt but I don't want to end up being labeled a slut. Anyone can give me advice on this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (17 March 2011):
 This casual sex is saying to all those guys that hurt you.
"See, me here, having sex with guys, hope you're feeling the pain sucker"
That's not what you want. That's only going to destroy you.
What you're trying to do is play by a players rules and that's going to get you sex but nothing long term. Seems you want a relationship. Seems that's more your style.
So go for it, sure alot are going to be dead ends, but that only means they were not the one. The more you concentrate on long term the more guys you will meet who would like long term. Just don't give up on that desire. People are still getting married, still married, still having babies. Still lovin' each other. There are lovers all over this world who are lovin' each other all over !
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): You get attached after sex cos it is a normal biological process..When we have sex with some we produce hormones that creat a binding effect which oover time give us a feeling of attachment....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): I've met some women who can have casual sex without any emotional hurt from it. But not many.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): Ive been there done that! I know it sucks that guys can have casual sex but girls cant. I do know some girls that are exceptions to this rule. Regardless, sometimes even when we convince ourselves that its just casual sex truth is we do it to feel "loved or wanted" at that particular moment even if we are not aware of it. Its because the ultimate goal is really that longing for someone special. I've done that in the past. I was so sick of guys cheating on me and in return I dated around just to forget and feel empowered. What happened was whenever I had sex with one guy I dated, even if Im not into him to begin with, I ended up liking him after sex! Its weird! I cant explain it. Plus I feel terrible after, I hated feeling used. So what I did was condition my head to think I was using them, In the end, Im the one who suffered. Think of the reason why you really want to have casual sex, is it really just for pleasure? it may be because of your anger about guys cheating on you. If thats so, Its a process I know but you have to heal from that first. Dont use sex as a way to get empowered coz it will not work for you, it will only dig a deeper hole for yourself since you get attached easily.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): It's normal because there is a hormone or chemical released in women after sex that promotes bonding that is not found in men. It's the same chemical that is released when a woman has a baby. Men and women are very different biologically and women by nature have chemicals that promote bonding with one partner and the baby so our species can survive. Dating is not an equal playing field sadly. You will get hurt every time if you have sex casually. Some women may claim they can do this but I have yet to see one not get upset if the guy doesn't call back or treats her as less than a priority. Having casual sex will also limit any chance of a relationship forming and will put decent men off.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): Some people are more suited to casual relationships than others; they simply don't form the emotional attachments that you've experienced. For that reason, I think casual dating and/or sex will only leave you feeling just as used and hurt in the long run as you've felt in your past relationships - if not more so. My advice would be to take some time out from the dating scene and concentrate on you. Think clearly about what you're really looking for in a romantic partner in particular. Go out, socialise, meet new people... you never know, the right guy for you might be just around the corner! Don't sell yourself short. It'll save you time, certain heartbreak and yes, probably your reputation too. Take care and good luck :)
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