A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys!its time I wanted a more objective opinion on this matter.Thanks in advance for reading my question.I know it's long so answer if you're going to read all of it. Thanks.I met this guy online some time ago and whenever we were chatting it wasn't for long,just regular small talk. I wasnt even paying attention,but generally I considered him to be a nice dude. Well some months later,he told me he's going to come to my city with his friends and would like to see me. I was like 'okay sure'.It is essential to say that his city is in the neighbor country which is like 3 hours far from my hometown and 8-10 from the city where I go to college.I met him on the last day he was here (I soo didnt care and had forgotten he came)...and the moment I saw him,I felt attracted to him.(I had seen him on cam b4 but didn't think so) We spent a very nice evening together,and around 10 pm I met his friends quickly cuz they left to go back home. That happened in November. Since then,we were talking online much more differently,I would actually enjoy the convo. My fam had already plans to go to his city for the New Yrs,so we did.I was so excited to see him again! He introduced me and my sister to his friends and cousins we spent the new yrs eve all together,it was bliss.He also took us to his house for like 2 hours and I met his mom and walked his dog(lol)However,I wasn't sure if he liked me back cuz he didn't ask me out. We continued to talk,and a month later we had a talk where we revealed we both like each other.He said he didnt ask me out cuz he wasn't sure about my feelings plus i was his guest and it would of been weird.I was very honest that night,and told him if he ever wants to ask me out again he can do it,and that in life we shouldnt regret things we didn't do.He said there is going to be a future soon...And He's coming with some friends to my city in March. Well around 2 weeks ago,we got into an arguement...he misunderstood what i said,i did too,i appeared mad..Nonetheless,I went on a trip for a few days and when I got back and went online he was mature to talk to me first,and we agreed to talk about what happened in person so we can clear it up (I was the one who suggested this)....before he signed out he said he wants to meet me soon and talk about it and we need to do that.So tonight we talked for the first time after that....And he told me he's going on a trip in May to this country I absolutely love,and If I'd like to go with him. I was a little shocked he would suggest that,when we haven't got to discuss the arguement. He said to me that even though we are talking normally,he can still feel the "cold" and he cant talk like this with me...I said that I am talking normally but can't ignore what happened and be like yayyy i wanna go on this trip with you! and suggested not speaking until he comes here and settle it but he answered "is that what u want.."...Later on I joked with him but He thought I was mean etc. bottom line? These missunderstandings are happening because we talk online and can't tell each others expression etc. But I am not used to talking to him like this,we always have fun and nice conversations. Should I just ignore him until he gets here? And #2... I feel I'm falling for him. I want to get to know him. But I can't do a LDR. I've been in one before,and I can't,can't do it! Talking online in between and all that B.S. My university has this exchange program where I can go to a university in his city and study there for a year.(He actually asked me if i wanna do it,before we had the "i like u convo". I said why u want me to study in ur city?becuz of the good unis or u? and he was like 'both..ur askin too much,thats what u'd say to me if i told u this) lol. The bad news is he probably can't come to my city because his uni doesn't have connections in my country. And chances are the application must be filled before April 30 to enroll in the next year. What can I do? I am not sure I wanna go there,without getting to know him much. On the other hand,he loves my city,but prolly can't come cause of the uni situation.Logic is telling me not to fall for him because there is no future or its a hard one. My heart is telling me that I don't get to fall for someone often,so why not give it a chance? and If I do,how can I do it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): This is an absolute excellent post and im happy you came on here. This situation is very very difficult and it sounds like logic and emotion must be balanced in order for LDRs to work. Your logic doesnt fit but your emotions do...its like a teeter totter... or that stupid scale I never knew how to use in chemistry lol if one outweighs the other, there is no balance and in these situations when there is no balance, it will absolutely end in heartache. I made this mistake two years ago so feel free to PM me. ALL emotion, no logic... and it ended horribly and left me in a state of depression for a bit.
As hard as it is, I would cut ties with this guy simply cause of logic and to save both of you heartache. Never ever let any emotion drive a decision as emotions cloud judgment very easily. Good luck on this.
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