A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i am in love with this girl we where together for a year i only want he but she does not care for me i just got back in military 25years old want to stop the pain and forget her
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): How you break up says a lot about a man.
Some men, when they break up, will just start a hate campaign on their ex, (women do it too of course), these people, good sir, are generally weak and are generally pathetic human beings, and certainly are not worth any thought.
As a man who has had to move on from a love recently, I can tell you a few things that help.
First off, keep anything she gave you, don't throw it out, you'll regret it, it'll take longer to get over her, but when you do, you'll have pictures and notes and letters and maybe other things too that you can hold on to and look back on with fond nostalgia.
Secondly, friendzone yourself be very emotionally open with her, talk about other men and women with her, listen to her, tell her you care about her and will be there for her. (Getting friendzone'd takes a bit of time sometimes, be warned though, it's hard to reverse this one, it can be reversed it's just a pain in the ass to have to bother doing)
Thirdly start to change your view on her from "in love" to "love", you're in love with her because you see her as a potential partner, she has quirks you adore and personality traits that make her a person you enjoy being with. Start to look at what makes her a bad person to be with, don't train yourself to hate her, just look at what you don't like about her, and realise that if this was somebody you met on the street and you knew these things about them you wouldn't spend 15 minutes of your time on them.
Fourth, get out more, you won't feel like doing it, but go out with your guy friends, meet some new women, have fun.
Fifth, this one sounds girly, but buy yourself new clothes and start working out, when I break up, I run, a lot, it gets my mind clear and pushes out all the anger I feel over it, new clothes and a furniture re-arrangement will give you a new sense of identity and the furtniture re-arrangement will help erase any memories of her at your house.
Sixth, memories of you and her in town? at a special restraunt? in the cinema? Make new ones, overwrite them with new women.
Seventh, it's not manly, but nobody has to know, do what I do, wait till the house is empty, go to the bathroom, and cry for a bit, I hate crying personally, but unfortunately sometimes it's the only way to get emotions out, so do it when nobody's about if you're self conscious about it like me.
Eighth: Don't listen to drive time radio. It will be non stop love songs and you will hate them, if you're anything like me, get yourself a bunch of upbeat CDs that have nothing to do with relationships or love. Movies, if you're like me,will drive you nuts, don't watch anything with a romance theme for a while, stick to some Die Hard movies and Rambo.
Bear in mind, this is how I get over women, I will try to deal with it maturely so when I'm done grieving the death of my relationship I can remember back with happiness rather than regret.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): Why forget pain?
It won;t stop you from ever feeling it again. You WILL have you heart broken more than once in your life.
You can't just erase someone like that. Pain shapes the kind of person we are. As much as happiness does. They way we deal with pain is very important.
Deleting it because it is unpleasant to us is not dealing. It is avoiding.
Flynn 24
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