A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I have been broken up for 5 years. We have a 5 year old daughter together, that he has only seen twice. He was horrible to me the entire 3 years we were together. He recently broke up with his girlfriend and moved back to my hometown. He has called several times over the years and always claims that I am the love of his life and that he will never give up on us. He does seem to have grown up finally but I have no feelings for him at all anymore. I really don't think that I was ever truly in love with him to begin with. But, I after having a long drama free conversation with him last night I suddenly feel sorry for him. I told him how I feel and you could tell it hurt him. Why should I care? He hurt me repeatedly. Should I give him another chance for the sake of my daughter finally having a father that she can get to know? He says it's completely up to me, he will stay away if that's what I want. I can't talk to my family about this because they think I should not even talk to him, but I'm 30 years old and I want to do what is best for me and my child not is what is best for my family or my ex. Any advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009): Never marry someone you feel sorry for. It's unfair to HIM and unfair to YOU and CHILD.
A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (26 January 2009):
 I don't do this often, so bare with me... what I don't do is try to "read between the lines" on questions.
I have to say that this situation you find yourself in is oddly reminiscent of another friend's problem. In her case, it was a bad idea to allow the ex back into her life. He was a notorious manipulator... maybe even a sociopath. She was contemplating letting him back into her life for the sake of her daughter. I told her then it was a bad idea... she listened... for a while, but in the end was swayed by his silver tongue. In short, she re-established an intimate relationship with him that ended bad... again... and a second fatherless child to care for as he (literally) slipped out the door to never be seen or heard from again.
To you, I was urge that you think about why you're not together right now. What was it that was so terrible that you had to break off your relationship with him? Do you really want to risk going through that (or something similar) again? I do believe that people can (and do) change... where I draw the line is when it involves others (your daughter). Unfortunately, you are in the position having to think for yourself and your daughter's better well-being. Sure, it would be nice to have a father-figure for her... but is this the right father-figure to have?
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