A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm 23 and about six months ago, I met an insanely hot and gentle-spirited 29 year old doctor... with a 38 year old girlfriend. His girlfriend doesn't want more kids as she had three from her previous marriage (her eldest is my age with her youngest being 17). She and this gorgeous doctor have been together for eight months.The first month of knowing each other, it was innocent health-care talk. I'm a nurse at the hospital we both work for and our only correspondence was of patients. But then we started seeing each other in the cafeteria a lot and started talking more. We found out we're both liberals and both atheists. We also went to the same community college and I'm currently going to the university from which he is an alumni.We share a lot of the same interests (he wants to get married when he's 30 (I've always pictured myself getting married when I was 25) and we both want three to five children). He's also gotten super flirty with me the last couple of months. I know that sounds odd considering he has a girlfriend of eight months. However, he's heavily hinted to me several times that the reason he's even into the relationship is because he's afraid of growing old alone.He's a very shy person with amazing green eyes and apparently he was a total geek in high school and college. I told him I was a cheerleader and in Choir in high school because, well, it's true. Now, we're both adults so I'm not going to act child-like about this but it seems pretty unfair that the last few months, I've really fallen for him and his (older) girlfriend won't give him what he wants. Which are a wife and kids.He's only ever had one other serious relationship and it lasted six years starting when he was 15. He hasn't spoken to the woman since then but through other sources, he's found out she's been married for five years and has two kids. But he seems so miserable in his current relationship but several of my co-workers and his colleagues have told me he simply lights up when I enter a room that he's in. I've asked him once and innocently, if he was single, would he consider me. He told me that, "As cheesy as this sounds, in less than a heart-beat, I would make you mine. You're too damn gorgeous and smart to not be with someone." He does compliment me all the time and there have been a couple times when we nearly did hook up but I wouldn't allow it because I'm not that woman.Anyway, I really don't want to be the other woman as I've had that happen to me before (I was cheated on... several times). But it's killing me that I'm not the one he's going home to; that I'm not the one he wakes up next to in the morning. I could make him so happy and he even says so! That he has such a great time when he talks to me and when we hang out at the bars with other co-workers and what not. He's actually admitted that he's never felt about anyone the way he feels about me; not even his first love. Then again, she apparently cheated on him several times during their six year long relationship.In the end, I want to be his but unfortunately, he already has someone. How do I deal?
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atheist, co-worker, flirt, has a girlfriend, shy, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 April 2011):
 Strange that he hasn't left his girlfriend already since "he's never felt about anyone the way he feels about me"! I'd take everything he says with a grain of salt and I'd certainly keep a nickel between my knees. That is unless male anonymous is correct and this is only a one-sided infatuation on your part. In that case you just have to divert your attention until the crush fades.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): You say he has gotten really flirty lately with you. Then you said he has never felt this way about anyone else.
Two very different things.
I'm going to be honest and say that I think you're imagining his infatuation with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): He's the one who has to deal, he needs to grow a pair, end it with his girlfriend - until he does I would withdraw and tell him why
Actions speak way louder than words
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