A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am seeing a guy for almost 2 months now (although we only see each other once a week) we do text or call or check in almost every day.The first month were not intimate, just getting to know each other, then we started sleeping together, last week I was out of town then this week he was sick so we just hung out and it was nice. Im saying this so people understand its not just about sex between us. I dont think its a fwb sitch.But, there are problems and I dont think Im getting consistincy from him. and I don't feel like he's as gung-ho about us as I am. I really care about him and want more...He told me he isn't seeing anyone else and i believe him but that doesnt make us an item.He's too buy with a million things to be playing around at all. But when I press about us he said he just cant know where he's going to be in a year (living wise, carrer wise) When I pull back he comes running of course and when we are together I just know he cares for me (ie- the way he looks at me the things he does for me etc)But I want someone that pursues me more that makes me feel wanted when he's not around. Sometimes I think maybe he could take or leave me.He wont answer texts sometimes for like a day. It hurts and confuses me and I wonder dont men, if they really care about thier girl. worry about them or want to know what she's up to or if she's ok...He doesnt seem to do that,Suggestions? Comments?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): UPDATE!!!
Over the weekend he told me he loved me and started making more plans for us...I guess you just never know.
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OP
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2012): Thanks for the help. Im the OP
I realize theres alot more to us and this two paragraph description cant explain everything AT ALL. So no one is for sure going to know why things are...
He wanted me over last night and then changed his mind because he was very upset about somethimg but wouldnt talk about it..He told me it wasnt fair for me to be around him all moody.
There are some major complications in his life I have not divulged here.
Im not going to take anything persoanlly though
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2012): I think he wants a casual not serious relationship. That's not to say he doesn't want you at all just that he has limits. So that's why when you're also acting all casual he's happy. Its what he wants. But when you try to push for more he doesn't want it to be more.
Why would he want just a casual relationship? Maybe he's not that into you. Maybe hes been burned by relationships before and is averse to too much closeness. Maybe he is also seeing someone else keeping his options open...
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A
female
reader, katiekate  +, writes (13 April 2012):
 It doesn't sound like he's interested in a relationship. I suggest you give him an ultimatum of sorts: ask him that you're ready for an exclusive relationship. If he agrees, great. If not, I would move on. Find someone who is looking for the same thing as you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2012): Personally I'd walk away. I have absolutely no time for "hot and cold" people, you're either interested or you're not but don't waste my time only being half there and only putting in effort some of the time.
OP pulling away to gain interest is one of those things that works. You'll see it in all relationship advice articles etc. I don't know why it does but it makes people take notice, the only problem with the people it works on it usually doesn't last long and they're very inconsistent.
"It hurts and confuses me" 2 months OP and you're already hurt and confused, what do you think is the best course of action here? It's too soon for things to be this crappy isn't it? This is only the start of it too. He's just not that into you. He's basically told you that and that's the way he acts too isn't it? But he still wants you around for a bit of fun, but this isn't fun for you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (13 April 2012):
 I like to be pursued and I like consistency too. You decide if you are going to wait one year, or more years until he knows where he is in life or, you are free to be pursued by other men who can give you what you want now. He is keeping you at arm's length. He is just keeping you interested enough so you won't leave him completely. The choice is all up to you. You can leave today even and you will both let go eventually.
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