A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Have any of you in committed relationships ever experimented in permitting one partner to engage in some limited sexual behavior towards others, so long as the other partner is present and consenting. This might consist of very close dancing, flashing, being naked around others, allowing others to touch/grope, heavy kissing or petting? While the nonparticipating partner would be generally present, this does not mean that the partner would be necessarily watching or even acknowledging to the third party (parties) that he is even aware of what's transpiring. My wife and I are considering doing this. This has been a fantasy of mine for some time. My wife is intrigued by the idea as well (who wouldn't be, if given the green light to fool around in this manner). We have talked about everything from being naked and her sassily showing herself in the hot tub, all the way to giving a blow job in the bathroom at a party (if the situation seemed right). We would not consider penetrative sex. My wife has already experimented some things on the exhibitionist end, but nothing yet with touching, kissing or sexual acts. Key to this all is that our long standing relationship is our priority. Both of us are 100 per cent in agreement that we are just "trying out" something new and exciting, and if either of us doesn't like it at any point, either of us can stop it, forever, with no explanation other than: I don't want to do this anymore. I should state that my fantasy is for her to do these things, and neither of us want for me to engage in such sexualized behaviour with another woman. I should also state that while the fantasy originated with me, my wife is excited herself by the idea, both because it gets me going, and also for her own pleasure and excitement. I think the knee-jerk reaction is to give advice not to risk one's marriage, fantasies are best left as such, and we are sensitive to that. However, we are also of the belief that life is to be lived, and it is often worth it to take a chance and step outside one's comfort zone. Have any of you dabbled in such limited forays? What was the outcome? How did it go? Were you happy you did it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2016): if youve lost your mojo what makes you think you will get it back by watching your wife give a blow job to another man at a party in a loo?After all those years of marriage is that the best you can come up with?Seems to me you want the scenario so that you can win against your wife in a divorce case.Similarly you are on the brink of pimping her!You wont get your mojo back and i wouldnt care to know you at all in her situation!Why not just pimp yourself out?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2016): i would say one of you is the manipulator and the other is manipulated.In this case i see you as the manipulator trying to very reasonably seek approval for something that you know is extremely unlikely to be anything other than a dead end to your already dead relationship!If she were in the sex trade prior to marrying you and she were craving the excitement of others i would suggest you still breakup first!I wonder why your marriage is so dull that you need to bring in others!If you are having trouble getting a hard on for her and this is a desparate way of trying conceal it from your wife then i suggest a quick checkup from your doctor for prostate cancer along with a course of viagra!This will bring the excitement back into your marriage without your wife having to behave as the local slut at parties!You are looking for consent and approval from others for your daft idea and i refuse to give it!Are you terrified of moving forwards as a couple,maybe by raising children as a family?Think of the gossip you want to create around your wife,whilst you pretend to be univolved,not there,just accidently witnessing this preplanned event!You just sound so damned creepy that i feel sorry for your poor wife!Did you get a holiday this year?You most surely need one!You need to try to enjoy yourselves as a couple,moving closer together and stronger,not branching off on some strange sexual tangent!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 August 2016):
 OP if your fear is that she will want more...that's really easily handled with rules.
you and wife (and the person you find to play with)
sit down prior to the event and lay out the rules
a. we mustdo this
b. we can do this
c. we CANNOT do this
and then you and wife after the event sit down and evaluate how it went how you feel and if you want to change any rules.
as long as you both agree on the rules and respect the rules there should not be an issue.
however...IF your wife wants to take it further and then you don't, what you have done is open the can of worms that may lead to the end of the marriage (that's usually hw it happens and I have seen many marriages break up over swinging when I was a part of that community as a result of one partner not wanting the other do something and the partner not respecting the rules)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2016): You are old enough to know what you are doing but in my opinion a foursome is a better choice as it offers a more balanced situation. In a sense it is a more win win case to avoid the jealousy factor.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2016): Nope, my fantasy of sex with a younger hotter man isn't cheating. It's just a fantasy. :)
Big difference
Good luck with the jealousy thing , which your follow up suggests might be a problem after the reality post fantasy creeps in
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2016): OP here. Tha is for your responses. To answer a few questions/comments:what if you see more pleasure in her eyes than you give her? What if you see her shudder and groan with pleasure more than she ever has with you? Do you think this will still turn you on? Or could it hurt you and risk the marriage?This is part of the reason that our thought is to limit this to teasing. The BJ is at the extreme end of our comfort level. I would think we would build up to that, and maybe, along the way it will become apparent whether this is something both of us could handle (and enjoy). Basically the idea is to tease, to get us both really excited, and then to quench that excitement by orgasming together. I have never known her to get anywhere near "shuddering with pleasure" from giving a BJ. I guess if she did, yeah that would be upsetting. My biggest fear is that in teasing she would develop an unquenchable thirst to do more and more. That is a fear, but not a big one. Really, my question is whether anyone else has done and enjoyed this, or wants to, why they did/do, and for those who did, what were your thoughts afterwards..."I'm guessing her fantasy is that you'll stop assuming you know what she really wants". With all respect, I am not assuming anything, but taking her words at face value to mean just what she says. If she has some other, more exciting fantasy, she has not told me so - and yes, I have definitely asked (many times). If she had some kinky fantasy, well, that would be a huge turn on for me...I think your fantasy of hooking up w a younger man far far away from your husband, in that he has no role, is just cheating - rather than a mutually held interest in experiencing something new, together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2016): Just be sure you're able to deal with whatever pleasure you see your wife deriving from acting out your fantasy involving another man. Just remember some reactions are delayed, or come as an after-thought. If you are very certain your relationship is rock-solid, what can anyone say to stop you? Jealousy comes on when you least expect it.
I'm not sticking a pin in your fantasy bubble, but I was in a 28-year monogamous relationship. Every couple I've known in an open-relationship along the way have broken-up. Actually, most in any type of relationship have gone south. The stories were fabulous to hear, and were very sensual. My partner had been caught cheating; so any fantasies he had were already fulfilled. I forgave him, but he was on notice.
We all can give some form of anecdotal experience based on the experiences of other people. Commitment is a difficult thing to maintain these days; and most of all, building and retaining trust within a relationship is the most difficult challenge you'll ever face.
Whenever you decide to crossover from fantasy to reality, just remember all this. You can control the outcome and write the script as long as it is a figment of your imagination. Things have a way of being unpredictable in reality.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2016): Oh my God, this is almost my fantasy. So the difference for me is that I want to be with a much younger man of my choice. I would not want my husband to watch in anyway, and I can just imagine how lovely it would be to be with a man who really wants to be with just me. For the record I would not want to be the one giving a blowjob I would want to be the one receiving all the pleasure. I want my needs tended to, my fantasies tended to, all the things that make me feel like a special woman to be tended to. Oh my god that would be so fabulous Giving a blowjob in the bathroom at the party sounds cheap, that wouldn't be what I would be into. I would be into being far away from my husband, finding an intriguing man in a beautiful location, and being romanced, wined and dined and then being pleasured out of my mind. That whole bit about being groped in a hot tab or giving a blowjob in the bathroom at a party, now that sounds like something out of some really low-budget porn movie.So yeah others think about stuff like this but actually doing it is probably harder than it seems as you'd both have to be on the exact same page--I'm guessing her fantasy is that you'll stop assuming you know what she really wants
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (17 August 2016):
 Agree with So Very Confused (and what a nice Spock quote btw!) As long as you are consenting adults and understand your connection is unshakable and trust each other 100%, go for it. There are many people in open marriages However, make sure its not something you fantasize of but also will be okay with when it happens. I remember hearing a story of a married man who wanted to have threesome with wife (another man joining them). It was his fanatasy for longest time, wife didnt want it but she relented fter his many beggings. When he saw another man had sex with his wife and his wife giving another man a bj, it actually turned out to bother him and made him paranoid and he started to accused her of cheating after that. Every time he saw his wife he saw her with another manJust know who you are. Understand reality is diff from fantasy.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 August 2016):
I know of a few couples that have been married over 25 years each and have been active in the swinger lifestyle and their marriages are rock solid.
you need rules
you need to both have incredible trust and both be very secure with yourselves and your relationship.
Interesting that the one thing you don't want is penetrative sex when most swingers do not permit kissing. KISSING is way more intimate than sex. trust me I was a swinger in my last marriage.
swinging destroyed that marriage because my then husband was insecure.
i met and went after my current husband (with permission and full knowledge of both men) when I was married to the other guy. He said "go for it" and my (now) husband did...
we will be married 4 years in October.
if you both want it
and you both sit down and agree to the rules then enjoy
but like Spock warned Stonn.."After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting. It is not logical, but is often true.”
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 August 2016):
 The thing with you both is that you seem to have worked this out in your head, and you are both adults so you should follow what you want. Now as you said your wife wants to take part in this so that's all good, but let me ask you a few questions. So true this is your fantasy, pretty normal enough, but what if you look at this in real life and see your wife on her knees giving another man a blow job, what if you see more pleasure in her eyes than you give her? What if you see her shudder and groan with pleasure more than she ever has with you? Do you think this will still turn you on? Or could it hurt you and risk the marriage?
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