A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I want my good friend to be my boyfriend. I've flirted, laughed at his jokes (even if they weren't funny), been nice, am friends with his friends, and pretty much followed all Internet hinting advice. I'm wondering why he's not responding. Yes, I do make it clear that I feel closer to him than our other friends (we all hang out). I'm planning to ask him out sometime but I need any response from him that he may like me more than a friend even a little. If you think there are hints that I am missing, please tell me what they might be. Help wanted. [=
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): Well, you know him yet fail to describe him.
First, is he normally shy around women, if he is chasing everything in a skirt except you, then the simple reason might be that he just doesn't find you attractive.
If he is an active dater and does find you attractive he might simply have put you on the not-available list and left you there. Maybe you were in a relationship when you met?
Furthermore, hints? To a male? Sorry, but a subtle come on to a male is to strip naked, mount him and fuck his brains out, do that enough times and he might get the notion that you have some intrest in him. He may just be thinking you are a friendly friend.
If he is shy, well, you may just be scaring the poor guy to death and all your flirting will in a way make him even more sure you can't possibly be intrested in him. You laugh at his jokes? You sure you can fake natural laughter, if not, he might just pick it up that you are not really laughing and just being polite, a surefire sign somebody isn't romantically intrested.
Friends with his friends? Male friends? Do you also laugh at their jokes? This again might have the opposite effect, isn't he seeing that you are nice and friendly to everyone,not just to him, making him attach no special meaning to it?
If he isn't confident (or even confident he could get a girl like you) then he will in his own mind be coming up with lots of reasons to explain your flirting and none of them will be, "she likes me". Women may get tired of men who think they are gods gift to women kind, but the opposite ain't much fun if you want them.
You say you make it clear to him that you like him, but do you really. Don't forget if you look at your own actions you KNOW the reason. He doesn't. Try to look at yourselve from the 3rd person perspective and judge wether your actions couldn't be seen as just being friendly.
Perhaps the simplest advice is to simply do it. Find a moment and just tell him you like him. Yes it might break your heart if he says no. Yes it is embarrising as hell but at least you will know.
After all, you tried everything else.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): Hi Hunny
I have a good male friend that I see alot of and we mess around and I suppose some people would look and think its flirting but its not at all, Your friend may just think this is you and sometimes it does need explaining in big bold words.. If he does just see you as a friend then you will have to make a decition as if you want to take the chance of loosing a good solid friendship hunny, So think very carefull about what you want to say and the best time to say it and I feel sweetheart the only way you will know is by talking with him hunny, I do hope that it works out for you TAKE CARE WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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