A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex rang me up after 2 months of no contact. Am pregnant - in the last month of pregnancy - he has doubts over whether this is his child or not so have had the DNA crap from him. I don't doubt he is the dad. Anyway, I said okay to DNA and all, but trying to make sense of his behaviour here. He rang me up to say YOU and ME for getting back together are through but that he wanted to me in the child's life if it is his child. I was understandably hurt and upset and thankfully kept my composure until I got off the call and then started to sob. I lost a child in a bad way from neonatal death 3 yrs ago from a former relationship so understandably this impending birth (which he refuses to attend) is starting to give me nightmares. While he was on the phone I told him why don't you put me out of my misery - if you have moved on with someone else - why don't you just tell me now - I asked him this in order to get closure...he never answered that..it was just like as if he was angry and blaming me for messing up the relationship. He tried to accuse me of sleeping with one of my male friends which I would never even dream of doing nor have I! It was like as if he was jealous of him. This male friend gave me a good bit of cash as a birthday present - I wasnt expecting it...but guess it made his bunch of roses look lame in comparison. YET I love him. He doesnt appreciate it nor does he believe it and can not trust in me. Its awful. He told me if I contact him again he will lodge a formal complaint about me in the workplace!!! (we work in same place) BUT I never did contact him after the breakup...I just know his ex gf (that he once wanted to marry) did that mistake and he did that to her. I said to him in response but I havent bothered to contact you!!!! and also if you want paternity so badly how can I contact you now to tell you the baby is born if you don't even want to know that!? Its exactly 30 days today to the due date so I have no idea why he rang me up to upset me? Why he is just being selfish? I angrily txt him you just care about how this will impact on your wallet - well I dont want your blood money. If you cant love the child NOW when its inside its mother - how can I know you will be good to the child in the future? Now feel horribly trapped by my situation. I don't want to see him ever again BUT I know I will prob have to for the child's sake...I want the child to know their father but I don't want the father to let them down either in the same way as they have done to me for the entire pregnancy... ideas please?? I wish I could just vanish. Any advice on how best to handle this situation would be appreciated. The good thing - he said if he sees DNA saying he is dad - he is willing to be financially supportive. I said okay..and he said he is willing to pay for DNA test..so at least that bit is clear..but its just horrible. I just dont want to be trapped to this man just cos of a child either.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah I guess so - but I mean I don't understand where his anger comes from. I guess he deceived me. Pre-pregnancy he told me he would go the extra mile to have a child and be there for it with me and I think the only reason he rang was just to say if I prove it to be his child then he will be financially supportive..I said fine but then he made it horrible by saying but you and me are through and I never want to sleep with you again. So I said while I have you on the phone why don't you put me out of my misery if you have someone new why not say now..so I CAN MOVE ON...but he never answered me..which could mean either right..so again it ended on a bad note...ideas? obviously I can't contact as he made himself clear that way and at this rate he is going to be the last person to know when the baby is born - SAD REALITY..what is his prob?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the encouragement Marie. I have no idea why he is effectively blaming me for this pregnancy. It is what it is. Why is he just putting his own needs first without a shred of concern for mine?? And to ring me up to tell me he wants no more relationship with me right when I am due to give birth is a bit cruel to say the least. He knows that is not what a woman wants to here...so why is he trying to hurt me like that? I wouldn't dream of disrespecting him in such a way even if I had my doubts regarding the baby. I really hope you are right and that once the baby is out - these raw awful feelings subside!
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