A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:just wondering if anyone here can offer me any advice cause I'm at a complete loss. been with my bf for over three years, one of those years was long distance. I'm far better educated than him - to MA level - while he barely has his leaving cert (a-levels in england, HSD in US). He's started college so many times but has always dropped out, though only one of those times was with me. He says that because I stopped him going on holidays for a week, on his own, three weeks after he started college, that i caused him to drop out. I stopped him going because i thought it was far too close to beginning college to go away and that if he went away on his own, after we'd only been together six months he'd get up to no good. Its now three years later and he's done f**k all since. A cert, his ecdl, a few other things here and there, but nothing really. He's worked periodically as a variety of things but not hing since christmas 2010. this too is apparently my fault because i messed him about apparently over my decision to do a pHD (which didn't happen this year cause of the pressure he was putting on me to decide where and what to do). He's really sweet most of the time but he's getting to be really horrible. When he's angry with me he calls me a 'fat c**t', says other things about my weight, including 'moo moo whale' and that i'm too big to share a bed with (only a size 12-14). I also owe him money apparently for his visits to see me when we were long distance, which were his decision to come, any money spent on those visits, and every dinner etc. we've had while were together that he's paid for. He's started to get somewhat violent, like he ripped my glasses from my face which virtually imprisoned me in his house because I can't see without them. I just don't know what to do. My dad sees him as the son he never had, and it would be so difficult and awkward to break up with him cause the explanations would be unbearable. I'm also really close with his mum, who sees what he's doing to me and agrees with me that his life is not my fault but not even she can get through to him. I don't know what to do anymore because i want him to go back to the way he was when we first met but i don't know if that's possible. any help would be appreciated. thanks ;)
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female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (17 October 2011):
 You have a man who blames you for his failures, a man who doesn't respect you and a man who is starting to become abusive and violent towards you.
So what if your father thinks that he's the son he never had? So what if you get along with his mother?
You are the one who is with him, not your dad. You have a relationship first and foremost with him, not his mother.
Do you honestly see a positive future with this guy?
It's not easy to just break up, I know that. What you have to do is really think about what you want out of life and your future. Better now that in 10 years time when there's a child in the picture and you've been beaten up one too many times. I'm not saying that this will happen but it's worth thinking about.
You're intelligent and I'm sure that you know what you want and need. How about a break? Some time on your own? It won't be easy but in the end it's you and your life.
Wish you all the best :)
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