A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:About a year ago i changed jobs and met a few really amazing people. soon after becoming involved with one of my coworkers (my manager) one of my close friends at work (who i share a desk with)lets call him A, suddenly started showing interest in me,at the beginning he wasnt aware i was involved with someone, he found out later on. i tried to let him down gently but he didnt get the hint, eventually i started reciprocating his feelings, but we both knew nothing could happen while i was seeing someone... i was stupid,A obviously wasnt important enough for me back then to leave my boyfriend for, so i guess i just kept him around for the fun of it, i was too scared to leave my boyfriend who was safe and secure(an older man) for a chance with A, who scared me, because of the intensity of my feelings.eventually A became involved with someone else,but things stayed the same between us. a few months later (end of last year) i broke up with my boyfriend, and things only intensified with A since then.he is moody, one day he will be fine with me the next he will be horrible. but he makes me laugh he makes me smile we have heaps in common and i'm not afraid to be myself around him, we have fun together.at after work drinks a few weeks ago a colleague was asking him about his relationship and how things were going, to cut a long story short he ended up mentioning how he would consider marrying her one day.he says that, but then in the past month he has cheated on her twice, with me, once at work, and the other a few nights ago when he came over to mine to hang out and things got out of hand, he kept saying he had to leave, he couldnt do this, and i kept telling him to go then, but he never left. he asked me what i wanted from him, and i told him i wasnt answering that question until he tells me what he wants from me...he never answered the question, and the truth is i would have said whatever he wanted to hear because if i cant have all of him i will take what i can get.you have to understand... this is not me. i am a strong confident woman, i dont throw my body at men to get them to like me, i dont do second best, and thats what he turns me into. his whole behavior just screams youre not good enough to leave my girlfriend for.What does he want from me?he tells people he would consider marrying his girlfriend, she is gorgeous, he says just friends but his actions speak louder than his words, i want him so badly and i know we would work well together, i also know if he hasnt left her by now he never will, and even if he did after the way he has behaved how could i ever trust him.i am just confused, and hurt, he is a great friend if nothing else, but i feel used, and i hate it. what do i do here?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): If you are confused and hurting already then you should not be pursuing a relationship with this man.
He is taking from you what he feels you are happy to give him, and as long as you give him, he will take from you.
He is already saying he would marry the other one, that hurts you, how would you then feel if he did marry her?
Think of her for a moment, he could marry her? of course he could whilst he is already unfaithful to her!!!!!
The man is already being unfaithful and hurting women, he will not change if he marries her either, he does not love her, otherwise he would not be having a good time girl on the side.
For your own dignity and self respect, finish this with him now!
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