A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so here is the deal. Im 20, shes 21. We were both truely in love and have a child together. I became a BAD alcoholic, and treater her horribly for a long time. A little over a year ago we split. I stopped drinking, and we went 6 months without so much as a word.. then we began talking again. She came over to my place, I cooked her dinner, we watched a movie, and she left. We were pretty buddy buddy. Then at the beginning of this year she left for her job. Before leaving we had "relations" 2 days in a row. We stayed in touch throughout her trip (which was 5 months long). I sent her valentines cards, and tons of expensive items while she was away, and she claimed that she didnt want a relationship at the time, but promised she wasnt leading me on. While she was away she was sending provacative (non-nude) photos to a guy she met on her trip. Its been 2 weeks since she has been back and I have kind of crowded her if you will about giving us another chance. Finally tonight I asked her why she woulnt just tell me know and let that be that. She told me "If you want to hear no, then NO". Keeping in mind that I honestly do love this woman, 2 hours later we were on the phone and I broke down. All she could say is "dont, please dont". Whats going on here? Are we done? Had I just bothered her to much and she got angry? Should I try to move on (haha, ok... like i havent tried that one..)? Did she mean it?? WHAT SHOULD I DO??!!!??? I need help!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLol, Im typically pretty good at answering questions for others in a troubled situation, but I just cant seem to look at mine from an outsiders prospective. Guess the problem is that I didnt want to come to terms with what is... But you all are right, I cant keep my life on pause, and I dont want the friendship between us two to become tainted due to me be being the "Psycho-ex", especially with my daughter being involved. Thank you!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): She is probably also trying to give it other chances with other guys out there since you've already had your chance. But yes, "No means No" so you will have to learn to move on :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): From how I read it, she doesn't want to get back with you. I know it's hard not wanting to let the one you love go, but if she honestly doesn't feel the same way then you can't force her.
And yes, she probably was angry that you kept bothering and crowding her. But maybe because you seemed so desperate she just told you no to get you off her back bugging her.
I wouldn't say give up, but think realistically about it. You have a child together so you will see her(I assume) when you see your child so if you don't get together she will still have an important part in your life.
Respect what she chooses and tell her truthfully one last time, not in a nagging way, just explain.
Is it entirely over between you two? I can't tell you that, she has the answer, not anyone on here.
Also, if you think spoiling her with expensive gifts will win her back, it won't, it's very materialistic, show her you love her by talking to her etc.
I kind of don't blame her since you treated her so awfully while you were drunk, she may be scared to get back into a relationship thinking on the past.
It's up to her really, but best of luck
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