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*milio33
writes: Hi, I am having a bit of a pattern in my love life at the mo and want to fix it... Basically when I was at school I always had girlfriends and then I had my most serious relationship when I left school, which carried on until halfway through my first year at university but \i broke it off. In fact I broke it off with pretty much every girl I have been with, as scared of commitment being young and all....Anyway since my last relationship (2 yrs ago)I have tried to get a girlfriend but all the girls I have been with have pulled out after about a month....? Normally this is me doing this and it is really weird because now I really want a girlfriend and committment to a relationship, I guess this because I have grown up a bit and am tired of the player lifestyle. I still get with lots of girls but am again tired of these small flings I keep having and want something more solid, but I know you can't just look for love. It's well difficult, and because of this I'm in a difficult situation. At the moment I have been on a couple of dates with a girl and would like to perhaps have a relationship but Im not sure how she feels and I'm scared I might get rejected again.... I dont know if people will make any sense of this, but it would be great to get some feedback and help perhaps.Im 21 and from the UK - Thanks for reading.
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reader, Raab22 +, writes (9 April 2005):
I reckon it's time you had a change as well, after all you never know what's round the corner. LIfe is like a crossroad and it's just a matter of making the right choice in direction. However, you shouldn't worry as there may be someone waiting for you, perhaps even only a few doors down from your house. So you've had a few duff dates, well have you though of taking any advice from the Singles Solidarity Society? I know the founder is full of information and tips on how to get perfect love in a matter of days. If not then you've always got your friends.However, you're still young so make sure you get out there and enjoy your last term of uni. Be the best you can be and live for the tripod...
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (9 April 2005):
 Maybe you need to look at what's attracting you to the girls who don't want you to commit. Are you still going out with the same sorts of fun/party/"do anything TO anything" girls that might have been the choice of a younger You? These would be girls that aren't going to be interested in settling down, any more than you were a few years ago.It's easy to fall into a habit of looking for dating partners in the same places all the time. After all, if it worked once, it might work again, right? The only problem is that, if you pick up girls at, say, clubs, you're only going to be casting into a very small pond and using the same sort of bait for the same sort of pond-dwellers. No wonder you catch the same types of fish.Consider expanding your dating outlook. I don't have the ultimate secret to finding long-lasting love, obviously, but I do know that it's not a simple matter, finding someone you connect with on a lot of levels. I also know that friendship is a godsend and is the basis of any real relationship.Do you belong to any clubs or organisations? Gyms? Hobbyist collectives? Web communities? Yurts? Communes? Look for female friends in places where you can find people who have similar interests to you. Don't approach it as a dating exercise; try to keep your interests platonic. Soon enough, you'll discover lots of women who want to be friends, and you might also find that their physical attributes grow on you over time. (Maybe even straightaway, but let's not get overexcited.)Above all, take your time. Long term relationships are cultivated over just that: the long term. Take months, take years. Be friends and see where it leads.Take a bit of a risk with the girl you're with, if you think that you have a possible future. If you ultimately go your separate ways, it isn't a slap in your face, it's only recognition that you weren't right for each other. You're fine and you're young, so you have literally years to get it right. Keep at it. Keep looking.Good luck.
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