A
female
age
30-35,
*en1689
writes:I am 22-years old. I've been with my fiance for two years and four months. I've never been so happy in my entire life, and never even imagined I could be. We are talking of getting married later this year, and are looking into buying a houses at the starts of next year if we can afford it. We have always tried to bring out of the best in each other, and he truly does bring out the best in me. I want to be the best I can be for him, and he makes me want to be better for myself, too.I have always suffered from self-esteem issues. As a child I was always very shy and avoided social situations. Once in highschool, I was picked on a lot, and I was affected greatly over it. I developed an eating disorder that's lasted for seven years (yes, I'm getting help, and it's finally under control). I learned to look in the mirror and find all my flaws instantly because everyone around me said I wasn't good enough. I was compared constantly to friends of mine who were more outgoing and/or more attractive. I didn't have sex until I met my fiance at the age of 20. I didn't really even have a boyfriend until age 17.Once I was out on my own and began deciding what to do with myself and my life, I became a much more confident person. I now see that I am indeed attractive, and that the narrow-mindedness of the small towns I lived in aided in completely distorting my view of myself. But most of all, I was able to see the true beauty in myself when I met my fiance.Now, when he and I first met, we were only acquaintances/friends, but he pursued me as he wanted more. I had just gotten out of a terrible situation with my ex, and wasn't ready for anything serious, so I turned him down a number of times, although we both knew that there was something more there. For a number of months he waited for me, until I finally allowed myself to open up to the idea. When I did, it was perfect, and I've never been so happy with anyone.As with all relationships, the extremely passionate and lovey-dovey stage ends after a few months to a year. In the beginning I was told constantly how beautiful I was, and how hot I was, and how he couldn't believe how lucky he was to have me (this was reciprocated on my end as well). Most of the attractive qualities that he saw in me were pointed out by comparing me to his ex, which I won't get into, because I've struggled a LOT with retroactive jealousy over this girl. When he would mention how hot other girls were, I would join him. Sometimes I would even point out how hot a girl was before he could, but then he would politely disagree with me and point out what he in fact didn't like about her. It made me feel a little better as I know I'm attractive, but I know he's a guy and not blind, so obviously other girls are going to enter his radar.Recently, my breasts have grown to a 32-C. I've always maintained a B-Cup, so it's quite something for me to have bigger boobs with a smaller frame without the aid of surgery. My fiance has been excited and happy about this, but still constantly mentions the breast sizes of other women that we see on the street, in movies, in magazines, etc.Now, I don't want to be possessive and jealous and insecure like some girls are towards their boyfriends/husbands, so I don't really want to all of a sudden scold him for what he's been doing throughout our entire relationship. But I'm becoming horribly insecure every time he mentions another female. Whether it's someone he works with, someone he saw somewhere, someone he knew from highschool, etc. I get extremely insecure and start doubting myself. It almost seems like something he's proud of on me he starts to notice more of on a daily basis, like the boobs thing, so I still feel like I'm having to compete.Like I said, I don't put any restrictions on him whatsoever. I don't mind if he watches porn. I don't mind if he has female friends or goes to have a drink with the guys while I'm at work. I know that I'm not perfect, and I know that there are going to be women out there who are more attractive than me, but I'm terrified of continuing to get older, having my looks fade, and seeing a bunch of hot, young 18-21 year olds prancing around flaunting what I used to have. Women are always told to fear the signs of aging and to try and combat it through surgeries, makeup, creams and ointments, etc. I just don't see the point in seeing the beauty of life and marriage if it's only going to bring resentment and stress later on down the road. Can anyone help me out with a different perspective? Guys and girls? Thank you.
View related questions:
at work, boobs, breasts, fiance, his ex, insecure, jealous, my ex, porn, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (25 April 2011):
 Here's where you are going to get into trouble."I don't put any restrictions on him whatsoever"What you are really saying is you have zero boundaries.This will destroy your growth, your self worth, your esteem and eventually your life. Read up on what guys like about girls, and believe me, it's not about the physical in the long run, health yes but it's about a lot more than that by a long shot. You should also remind yourself that if this guy is helping you gain security in yourself that you are also giving him the power to tear it down. Don't rely on him to set your own personal best or dictate to you how you are to feel about yourself or anything for that matter. You need those boundaries, you need to know how far your foot is off the floor and when it needs to come down.Read up on self esteem and self assertiveness training.Your life should feel like you are in control of it not someone else. Your life should feel like your creating your happiness through limitations. And believe me to be worrying about getting old at your age is a red flag that all is not well in your self image and that of the greater good of all mankind. If your looking at a life's path as a path of doubt and fear you will find it at every corner.Plant some signs on your road for safety, read them and live by them.
A
female
reader, Jen1689 +, writes (25 April 2011):
Jen1689 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I know it's not a bad thing. Neither was waiting to have sex. But you didn't really answer my question...
...............................
|
