A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am not sure whether I have a problem or it is my boyfriend. I will tell you both sides of the story:-After the honeymoon period of the few relationships that I have had wears off, they have failed. None of them have lasted more than 10 months. The first relationship which was the longest was the one I felt most secure in, but I stupidly ended it over a petty argument. My second relationship only lasted 3 months. I think I was a rebound and he was taking all his anger out on me. I can be neurotic about things but I have always concealed this side of me to the point of being aloof because I don’t want them to seem like I am being possessive. Perhaps I end up looking like I don’t care.I am now on my third relationship. We have been together 9 months. Again everything started off magically, but lately it seems like it has gone off the boil. My boyfriend said at the beginning that he liked his own space because he had a possessive ex girlfriend who would phone him every 1/2 hour. I respect his desire for space because I like space too, but occasionally he seems to be erratic with his contact. I would be fine if he wanted a weekend to himself because then I can make other plans but he doesn’t tell me this and just won’t contact me until the weekend is over. I don’t know how much of a loony his ex was so I wonder if he is worried I am going to shout at him because he wants to have a weekend to himself, but leaving me hanging like this is going to make it even worse! I have never been possessive, but I have started having thoughts that my boyfriend is cheating on me.Occasionally when we are out with friends, he will keep turning away and checking his mobile. I don’t whether he is turning away so as not to be rude, but we all know what he is doing. After the first occasion when he did this, I then didn’t hear from all weekend until he contact me on the Monday saying his phone had gone wrong. Two weekends later his mobile broke down again. Two weekends later still we had a function to go to but this was cancelled (this was for a valid reason) but my boyfriend was then ill all weekend. Last weekend, we went out with these same two friends as the first occasion and he was checking his mobile all afternoon again. Now two weekends later again and I have not heard from all weekend again. I have started to think that he is juggling me and another girl but I have no concrete proof.I have tried calling my boyfriend this evening to see if he is ok as I have not heard from him since fri and he hasn’t picked up. I know he has his mobile on him all the time and he says the only reason he won’t pick up a call is if he doesn’t recognise the number. He has always picked up calls when in my company apart from unrecognised numbers so why doesn’t he pick up mine? This happened last weekend. I tried calling him to say that I was ready to be picked up and he didn’t answer. Everyone says what a wonderful person he is and are very positive about him, his friends say he always has nice things to say about me, his relationships have all been long-term, he is very hard-working and he has introduced our parents to one another and is taking me on holiday. He has done really sweet things for me and in fact had been phoning me up more until recently. I love him with all my heart. Finally, I must say that I am battling depression at the mo and am probably not in a totally right frame of mind due to being made redundant. I don’t know if I have genuine cause for concern or if my bolting instinct is kicking in because the honeymoon period is over. I think my boyfriend, like my Dad, doesn’t know how to deal with my depression so he could be distancing himself.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (31 March 2008):
 Hi,
it sounds like he is hiding something from you. But it doesnt necessarily have to be cheating.
You might need to confront him about it. It doesnt help that you are suffering from depression, this can only darken your suspicions.
Maybe its time you took a temporary break from each other, at least you will be able to determine whether he still has you as his top priority or if you dont hear from him you will know where you stand.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): It sounds like he is cheating on you, and you're trying to make excuses as to why he is never available on weekends, and is always checking his phone & not answering your calls. This much evidence seems concrete enough to me. maybe these men do this to you b/c you allow them to?
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