A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, i am in college and i have been dating my amazing boyfriend for almost 10 months. he is the best man in the world and i know he was put into my life for a reason. well i went to this girls house who is a lesbian and she started kissing me and things went way further than they should have. im not bi or lesbian but i did want to try it out thats why i didnt stop it. i thought it wouldnt be that big of a deal to me but later that night i couldnt take it anymore and i told him. he was extremely hurt and said he still loved me but it would be awhile till we could be intimate again. my question is how i can i deal with the guilt? and should i have told him? i want to have a completely honest relationship and feel like if i hadnt i would be lying to him everyday. i know what i did was wrong and that he has every right to be hesitant but i love him so much and i dont know how to deal with the distance and my own guilt and hatred for myself. please help i really need it.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2012): Did you honestly think that cheating would have no consequences? That you could just dip your toe in the waters and not find out it was acid?
You screwed up, big time. But you chose not to lie. This shows there is hope for you yet. But you need to trully understand WHY you felt the need to experiment when you already committed to someone else.
Surely you could have discussed the desire with your partner and come to some sort of threesome scenario, with rules and regulations both of you would have to have adhered to... or even better have just put the idea from your mind completely as something you thought about, but wasn't important enough to risk destroying your relationship for.
If you love this man, truly love him... let him heal. Let him make the decision as to what he wishes to do. And Respect whatever he comes up with. You made your choice, it was the wrong one, and now he must make his.
You seem remorseful, genuinely, and as you chose to ultimitely do the right thing in telling him rather than let him live a lie because it's less painful to you, you stand a good chance of making it through this as a couple.
I hope it all works out for you both. Just let this experience teach you something. We all make mistakes, some worse than others, and the idea of consequences is to prevent us from doing so again.
Peace.
Flynn 24
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): First of ask you shouldn't have told him!!..its would have still hurt him if he heard it from somewhere else assuming he would've found out at all!.lol..of you love him and want to stay wit him then you have to play by his rules..if you don't wanna wait then leave him! girl on girl is awesome btw he should be happy!.lol
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): Quite a few men would find that SUCH a turn-on - invite her for a 3sum?
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A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo  +, writes (19 March 2012):
 Cheating is cheating whether it is with another man or with a woman so i understand why he is so upset.
You need to talk to him and explain what happened and why,as well as take any stick he is going to give you.
You need to make sure he knows that it wont happen again and how sorry you are this happened.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): The guilt is natural, cheating never goes unpunished which is exactly what you did cheated on your boyfriend. You can only make every effort you can to gain his trust again and in time you can fix things as it sounds like he wants to. It would be worse if you had not told him as that would hurt him more, well done for telling him you did the right thing but now it is up to you to fix things. good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): Doing the right thing is to not go into the home of someone you know has an attraction for you. Of course the temptation would lead to sex.
Wisdom.
so make it a standard today, to not accept invitations from others that pose a threat to your relationship. Even same sex.
You were right to confess to your Boyfriend. To give him the chance to heal and recover and also to decide if he can work on you two and your relationship.
Sorry doesn't make everything alright. RESTITUTION could take months for you to repair the damage. BF will struggle for a long time.
You don't get to decide how much he hurts, how much he angers, or when he will struggle with it. He does.
So put on your patience and hard work pants and prepare yourself for some days of turbulent by a 10 minute decision that has 10 months consequences.
Also visit a couples counsellor to learn about why you cheated and how you both can heal from this mistake.
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (19 March 2012):
 cheating is cheating.
Just let him get over it and then you both can move on.
Give him time
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