A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,Its exams period and the whole year has been very stressful as its the last undergrad uni year and we are both ambitious. We've been out together for more than a year now and before we were best friends for a year and a half. I love him deeply and I know he feels the same. But there's something that leaves me puzzled.I know he doesnt have a good notion of time or that his friends only contact him at the last minute to hang out etc so I cope with it when I see he'd like to see his friends (he doesnt get to see them that often lately :() even-though we had a date, often he'll ask me to come too anyway unless I have something else. I say I cope but the fact is Im not a last minute person, I like plans, I always have and I can feel uncomfortable with things like him not calling when he said he would although I know he is often late Now this isnt the problem though, I just wanted to illustrate my personality before I explain my question.My question is... I'll put it in an example: we have exams. So we decide to stay apart for a few days to fully focus and I say I need to be working early morning. Next morning we end up relaxing more and sleep a bit longer, afterall we were going to work very late that night. But then I know if I were on my own I would get up and work and I know if I start too late I will have a hard time focusing and I try to tell him but still it gets past 12 noon and because he has his exam later than me and he didnt have to go to work the day before he doesnt feel worried about himself. I start panicking and plainly tell him that I really whish to work. Ive probably come off as moody and I believe its stress that got me so bad at handling the situation, it is no big deal afterall right? But then he gets really cold, visibly annoyed, leaves very briskly and m left feeling like I did something very inconsiderate. I send him a text saying Im sorry if I was moody and I enjoyed the time we spent but itll feel better after the work is done. No reply. much later that day I send a text to ask how he's doing and saying I love you. No reply. He usually replies... he tells me he loves me everyday...I do too. He always tells me to say what I think when we're in disagreement but then he doesnt: I called him a few minutes ago because I thought ignoring him would be childish, his phone could be out of credit or something or he might just be stressed, right? Just a quick call. He just wasn't talkative, he answered simple questions but when I ask about my messages "my phone's fine, I dont know why I didnt reply" then I say bye because I didnt want to disturb his work for too long and I say I love you because I mean it and I was hoping he would cheer up but he just said ok, bye.Do I deserve this? Am I being irrational? Its not a major issue and I know our relationship is solid but because he's stressed and I am too, is it justified for him to be so cold with me? :( How can I get him to understand?Thanks for reading me and for your consideration
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ambition, best friend, his ex, I love you, period, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): Thank you for the answer
I think I knew all that apart from the fact that I was so stressed I whish he didnt get so cold for the two days just before the exam lol But you were right, I did well to just be patient and avoid childish reactions, he's finally contacted me back on a much nicer tone. I think the problem is (though I dont whish it were otherwise so its not a 'problem') that the way he acts towards me has an important impact on how I feel...
Ok, now Im off to the exam :D Thanks for your encouragements
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (8 May 2008):
 Hi, first off, good luck on the exams! As to your question, I'll bet this is going to be a tempest in a teacup in the end. I think your increased level of stress is probably making you both a little prickly.
You owe each other an apology; you for the way you spoke to him when you said you wished to work (I'm guessing it might have been harsher than you think, if he really was as hurt as he seems to be acting). And he owes you one for not respecting your need to work, then acting petulant.
If you've got a solid relationship, as you said, you'll survive this. It might be a learning moment for the both of you. Try to apologize to him one more time, then just ignore him and concentrate on school until he comes around. I think he will. Someone has to act like the grown up here, and it might as well be you.
Good luck, and don't stress about this too much; it's just a distraction you don't need right now.
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