A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy in class. He's 23 and I'm 21. We got along so well and I felt really comfortable with him. He got my number because we planned to do a study group with 2 other people and from there he started texting me everyday. He asked me to hang out with him on his birthday.. (Which I found kinda weird lol). We went to dinner and watched a movie. He kissed me that night. Everything was good after that. We hung out a few more times and he would be the one to contact me everyday. Then one day he asked to see me to talk about something so I went to go see him. He told me that he likes me but he is not looking for a relationship.. I told him that I appreciate him telling me I person but I really like him and was disappointed by it.. I tried ignoring his messages after that day. A week later he messaged me. we started talking again and hung out very weekend. ( I should mention that nothing sexual happened at this point) then one night, we did ended up sleeping together.. Nothing changed after that.. He would still be the one to contact me first everyday and we planned to go hiking over the weekend. But then I sent him a text saying that I missed him. He took hours to respond and when he did he completely changed the subject. I replied "I guess you don't?.." He said " sorry.. I don't know what to say".. I was really upset and hurt by it that I said "I don't really know how you feel but maybe it's better if we don't talk.. I know I'll probably end up getting hurt". It has been about a week and it's driving me crazy :( I really miss him. now I'm wondering if I made a mistake in telling him that.. If I was over reacting.. I don't know what to do :'(
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male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (10 December 2014):
 He doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, just something casual. If you need more than that, you should stop seeing him.
A
female
reader, lavendar19  +, writes (10 December 2014):
First of all, big hugs for you. Nearly this exact same thing happened to me, I even told the guy I missed him and like the guy you are dealing with, he took hours to reply and said he didn't really miss me and didn't know what to say. You did nothing wrong, you should be proud that you were comfortable telling someone you missed them, the fact that he didn't miss you has nothing to do with your value as a person.
Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth. Cut off all contact with him, if it helps you feel better tell him that you don't want to continue seeing someone/being intimate with someone you are not in a relationship with and cut it off. Do not say it in an attempt to see what he says - say it boldly and cut off all contact.
Much much easier said than done but if you do not let go now, you will dragged along with someone who does not appreciate you as who you are and each second you waste on this individual you could be out finding someone who cares for you as much as you care for them.
I know you like this individual, but he doesn't deserve you and the sooner you come to terms with this the sooner you can move on. You deserve better. Cut off contact, focus on yourself (go out with friends, exercise, do yoga, travel, anything), and at some point you will meet someone who values you so much that they have no doubts that they want to be with you and this guy is not him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2014): You don't miss him (I'm sorry to tell you how you yourself feel). You miss the idea of him.
You want a relationship, how can you really miss a guy who not only acts that way but openly tells you that he doesn't.
He's a whole package and you can't change him. Maybe he'll be different when he's 30, maybe not.
But at this point you're thr problem, not him.
You know who he is, just walk away, forbid yourself from lingering on the idea of him. It'll pass. Move on. Love yourself more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2014): Tel him not to contact you anymore-go no contact. He's using you. When he told you he wasn't interested in a relationship that was the time to stop seeing him. He waited to tell you that until after you became attached to him which is devious. Question men about what they want early on so you don't waste time and get attached.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2014): And I would also like say, dont waste your feelings and time on a man who has told you that he does not want a relationship as you are getting attached and its pointless, you are going to get more upset and hurt as time goes by. You obviously cannot handle this situation and I wouldnt either. This man is not for you. Find someone who does want a relationship and will open up to you and reassure you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2014): I know where your coming from, you just wanted some reasurrance from him. It sounds to me like he does like you and does not just want you for sex as he wouldnt ask you to accompany him on other activities but either he just cannot show his feelings or in the past he has been hurt, Ikni dont know but if your the kind of person like me who needs to understand where they stand with someone and hes not given you any kind of response about this then I dont think I would want to stick around.
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