A
male
age
36-40,
*reg_Simpson
writes:Never been on a site like this but here goes:My girl and I had been dating for almost three years. We now have a 14-month old child together and up until a few months ago the relationship seemed perfect. Then the cracks started to show and she got fed up with some of my lesser qualities. I listened and changed where i could. In fact, I began to take on almost all of the household responsibilites, along with being the sole breadwinner. We've been fighting increasingly over the past few months, most of which stemming around the fact that she has this new guy friend, a platonic relationship, but the term 'emotional affair' came up frequently. We had tried getting engaged a few months ago but she called it off the very next day because she felt we just did it because we were fighting, and she was right to a point. I put the ring away and didn't mention it thereafter. Well all of a sudden she starts talking about it again and I asked her to take some more time to think about it and make sure it was what she really wanted. A bit more time passed and we felt we were ready so I proposed and she said yes. However, the ring now needed repair as a diamond had fallen out so we delayed telling people. A week later, she completely pushed the limit of what i was willing to put up with, we got into a big fight and I asked her to leave and go stay with her parents. The next day she said that that was it for her. I've been up and down since it happened but the bottom line is I want her back. But I think that it is time for her to show me how much she wants to be in this relationship. We've already moved forward with splitting custody and moving out some of her things. She said that she has so much going on right now and needs to get her life together. I don't think I have a shot but should I tell her once and for all how I feel about her and then drop it, or should I just avoid it altogether and simply move on?
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male
reader, Greg_Simpson +, writes (1 October 2007):
Greg_Simpson is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBoth great advice guys thanks, especially sweet_thing. You put some perspective on things that I never did see before. A short update, she was over the other day to pick up our daughter and asked me what was wrong. I tried to convince her that everything was fine and that I just had alot on my mind. She kept pressing so I told her I missed her. She almost started crying, with a sad sorta smile on her face. Gave me a big hug then said in kind of a strange way, 'ill be back'. I'm not quite sure what she meant by it, I'm just gonna keep doin what Im doin and if she wants to bring it up thats her perogative.
Thanks for ur help,
Greg
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): Been there done this. You obviously broke up for a reason. The arguing will only get worse because nobody really ever sits down and solves the old problems, you merely say I'm sorry to get back to your comfort zone of back together since being single sucks. The problems will only keep coming back to haunt ya.
Move on.
Bro, I know moving on is easier said than done. You know what you should do.
(i just broke up with my girl for the 8th billion time and just texted her an 'I miss you' earlier tonight so i need to do the same but i know i SHOULD move on and we both eventually will)
good luck!
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (27 September 2007):
 I'm sure she knows how you feel about her already. You proposed to her twice. That's pretty obvious to me. You didnt' say what it was that she did that pushed the limit of what you were willing to put up with, but I suspect it has something to do with her platonic friend. It sounds like she needs some space to figure out what she wants, and whom she wants it from. Since you mentioned the "emotional affair" it's possible that she's not feeling emotionally connected to you anymore. When women don't feel emotionally connected to their mates, they frequently turn to a male friend for advise or comfort. Things can get out of hand after that. Especially if this male friend is attracted to her, he may represent an "escape" or the missing element she's not getting from you. Perhaps after she's had some time away from you, she'll consider going to some kind of couples counseling so you can re-build your relationship. But if she has developed feelings for her so called "platonic" male friend, I doubt she will be willing to go to counseling and you may have to face the fact that the relationship is over. I wish you the best for your child's sake.
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