A
male
age
36-40,
*overman86
writes:Ok, another question from me; A girl who used to be my friend had a crush on me, then one day i told one of my friends that i would never go out with her, because she is not my type which is true and i just dont feel that way about her.She found out and now she hates me. She has also been pissed off with me for getting a girlfriend that isnt her. Who is the person who is out of line? I have tried being the bigger person and just leaving it alone and not talking to her.
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male
reader, loverman86 +, writes (25 December 2007):
loverman86 is verified as being by the original poster of the question my friend asked me if i would ever go out with her and i said no its not gossip its a question
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2007): I think what she didn't like about what you said was the fact that you were a bit of a coward and didn't say it to her face. It was 'he said she said' gossip that made it's way around everyone else before it got to her. I can't imagine she'd have been very pleased knowing people were talking about her behind her back. It's very hurtful and it gives the the impression that you don't have the backbone to tell her that you don't have feelings for her - so your friends do it instead. It's cruel.
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A
male
reader, loverman86 +, writes (25 December 2007):
loverman86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni did not ignore her whilst she liked me i ignored her when she started to hate me, she was still my friend whilst she liked me and i spoke to her but now she hates me and i ignore her because it makes my life easier
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (25 December 2007):
 Ignoring someone that likes you, does not make you the bigger person. Perhaps you feel you did good by not taking advantage of the situation? Yes, that did not make you a complete selfish person if you did.
But what you could have done was talk to her and respect her feelings.
Perhaps she hates you because she had to feel like she did not exist when you did not confront the situation, then she hears third party that you would never go out with her.
I am not saying that she has the right to hate you, whom you choose for your girlfriend is your decision, you did however go about it the wrong way.
Have you tried to talk to her and explain that your behaviour was to avoid giving her false hope and that you felt more comfortable in confiding in a friend? You could try to make amends that way.
If you were in her situation and you felt like a joke to someone else, I am sure that you would not be jumping up and down with joy, you would also resent the person who ignored you and did even not have the guts to break your heart face to face.
What is done is done, also what you can do is learn from this experience. Next time someone likes you and the feeling is not mutual, you will be more respected if you just be honest with this person. That is the more mature approach.
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