A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I need some relationship advice. I just found out my husband has been frequenting strip bars and whore houses. I found out about one through a receipt he mistakingly left laying out and confronted him. He told me that he went there to get a massage. I then found old credit card statements and found out he has been attending these types of places for the last 2 years (thats as far back at the statements went so could be longer). I went by one of the places and they told me they do not do massages. It's basically between the guy and girl on what goes on when they go behind closed doors. Then they wanted to know if I wanted a job, do you know how filthy I felt after that. Also, the amounts on the credit cards and withdrawals are hundreds of dollars. I don't know how much it cost to attend these places, but to me that seems like more then just going for drinks and dances if you know what I mean.We have been together for 5 years and I have not once seen this behavior until the receipt was found which was 6 months ago. Is my husband living a double life, has he been doing this the whole time we have been together, and why? I know when I confront him about the others, he may lie and try and get me to stay. I am so confused on what I should do. We have had a wonderful relationship and now I feel as if I don't know him at all or think he is the man I thought he was. I just don't know if I could forgive him or not or ever trust him again. I guess I am just looking for someone to talk to. Thanks for listening! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): Hi.I am so sorry to hear story.I can only say it is reality.I found about my husband like you and I was shocked.I also found out going to the various escort review sites where they put the reviews of the girls they had sex with.Its so painful when u read the descriptions of the sex what my husband put, it so painful to learn how sick their mind is and how do they maintain the normalcy outside its like hiding the dirt under the rug and we the wives are part of the rug you know.Ever since discovering it I am living a nightmare.Only thing I can say leave even though its really hard as its so complicated as my situation is really different.I do not know about you but if you are working and don't have any kids leave and just go as far as you can from this man.They never change its a disease.I am killing myself but I don't want any other girl to be in this situation.
Ottawa,Canada
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009): You say you've been together for a few years so it could be boredom. Men like excitment and regardless of whether he's going for a blowjob or for a foot massage, it's probly the secrecy and anonymity of it he finds thrilling.I think you need to ask yourself whether you're upset about what he is doing there, or just the fact that he has kept it secret for so long you suddenly think you are with a 'different' man.Talk to your man and get it all out. What he does, why, and whether he will stop, as well as whether or not you want him back...good luck
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