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I thought he was disrespectful to me. But now he says I'm not to contact him. Did I over-react?

Tagged as: Friends, Online dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 August 2016) 5 Answers - (Newest, 8 August 2016)
A female Turkey age 30-35, anonymous writes:

We've known each other for 6 years and have met in person countless times.I've also met his family.However,he has been wanting to skype with me for the last couple days but we couldn't because of schedule confiction.I finally I told him that I can stay up late last night since I'm off the next day,which is today.He said 'sure sounds good, looking forward to talk to you''.So last night I stayed up the whole night for him.I even texted asking what time he's getting off work but he never responded.I stayed up until 12:30 am until I got too tired and went to bed.I wake this morning ..still no text from him,Then he just texted me and said'he got busy with work.

I was bothered by this so I sent him several messages telling him that it was disrespectful for him to blew me off like like that.He responded and said i'm over reacting.

This made me more mad so I sent him more messages to my own defense ,telling him again how wrong it was of him

He then said,please don't contact me anymore.You're crazy.like wtf?Was I wrong?Did I overreacted ?

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada +, writes (8 August 2016):

BrownWolf agony aunt

Yes you overreacted...How?? By let a fool get you upset.

Put two and two together...you really thing it's that easy to give up someone after 6 years...unless there is a replacement already?

If he love you or cared about you as you do him...he would beg and pleaded for your forgiveness. Instead...we are done.

Do exactly what he says to do...like you never knew him.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2016):

Like an earlier responder, I can't quite figure out what type of relationship you & he actually have; however, from the information you gave, I think it's safe to assume that you two are just casual friends, or FWB for skype/phone sex only. If he is a regular "client" of yours, then you did overreact. If you have an emotionally attached relationship with him, then you may have misred cues from him believing it was mutual. Possibly he misled &/or induced you, intentionally or unintentionally, to believe he was emotionally invested in your relationship with him. Or, maybe you both even had a mutually emotionally attached relationship, possibly even declared love.

Although it appears too late now, have you considered he may've been fully truthful? I've been in work situations where despite my boss being aware of my evening plans, still forced me to work late. The add'l unexpected work at hand was time sensitive & boss so overbearing that I was allowed no time to alert or call the people who were expecting me. To top it off, the boss didn't remain & when I finished quite late, found my auto was locked into a parking deck, so I had no access to my vehicle until the next morning. The late winter's nite weather wasn't nice & area was quite dangerous as recent knifing murders had occurred nearby. Luckily I had a cell phone & was able to call a friend for a ride home before anything bad happened.

What if that kind of scenario had happened to him? How would you feel about his reaction to your insensitive remarks now? Or are you surprised the friend he called for a ride wasn't you? Like I said before, it is too late now, but it may be a blessing in disguise if you chose to see it that way.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (8 August 2016):

Honeypie agony auntLike I said in my last advice (in your other post)

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-do-some-exes-reach-out-after-some.html

LET him go. STOP trying to hard to make something happen. He just wanted attention and to see if you were still into him, NOT because he cares but for his own ego.

He is an ass, and I think you knew that already.

And text-bombing someone never helps your case. The fact that he went RIGHT to putting the "blame" in you should TELL you what kind of guy he is.

NOW BLOCK and move on.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2016):

I can't work out from your post what he and you are to each other.

Yes, he was rude not letting you know that something else had come up. Could have been work, could have been anything. Let's face it, you won't ever know what's really going on with him will you? So, I would assume that for him, not being around when he says he's going to be, if something better came up, is no big deal. But for you, it obviously is. Sounds to me like you're expecting a level of dependability from him that he's not aware of, and not willing to give. To him....no big deal. I'm not surprised he feels that way, considering the set up you two have going on here.

So when he receives message after message telling him off for the same thing over and over...? Yes, you're going to sound a little crazy and I expect he freaked out when he realised you expect things from him and that you'll go into overdrive when you don't get them.

If you and he were an item, boyfriend and girlfriend, whatever you want to call it, then yes, you're well within your rights to let him know that his behaviour upset you and then to see if he was remorseful and willing to take your feelings into account etc etc but to keep on and on with the messaging is not the way to go about things.

But the fact is that you have met each other COUNTLESS number of times in six years?

This is not a relationship and he obviously doesn't see it that way either. I think that yes, you over reacted.

You felt hurt and should have let him know that, but constantly messaging him over and over is never the way to go about it.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada +, writes (8 August 2016):

Ciar agony auntIt was very rude of him, but you shot yourself in the foot by text bombing him. It made you look immature and unstable.

Write this guy off. He's rude and now wants nothing to do with you.

Next time someone does something like that to you, do not contact them at all and if they contact you and don't immediately acknowledge what they've done and offer a reasonable explanation, don't even respond. Just block and delete.

If you have to explain common sense and basic courtesy to people, then they're not worth the time.

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