A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 2 1/2 is joining the navy, and at first I did not encourage him because I did not believe in it. He broke up with me about 2 weeks ago, and I wrote him a letter apologizing, and he confronts me and says that "friends do not do this to other friends" and that he does not want to talk about it, but then he told me that he forgave me for not supporting him. I have accepted him going, but he is always saying that it is too late. I have tried everything, and he still has said that he has feelings for me, but that the relationship is still over. He is a musician, and I have tried to go to every single one of his concerts, and sometimes, he springs things on me at the last moment, like "oh, by the way, I want to join this orchestra...etc". He always has accused me of not supporting him but I have always supported him. Sure I may have gotten slightly annoyed by the way he told me, but not once have I stopped supporting him. I am completely heartbroken because he does not know how to communicate properly, and he understands that he is hurting me, but I don't think that he cares. Also though, I think that it is a fear of commitment, because this is the first time that we have been away from each other for a long time. I want to get back together with him because I really love him. What should I do?
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broke up, get back together, heartbroken, navy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): Pretty much that is the idea.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much, i really appreciate it :). You are right, i just think that he needs space, and lots of it, because he does not know what he wants. I am really hoping that he does come around because he is extremely stubborn and immature. If he does realize, he won't know until it is too late. Right now, i am doing my best to just not call him, but it is just so hard. I have not seen or spoke to him since tuesday, when he said that he does not want to talk about the letter. Later that day, i sent him one final email, and he still has not responded. i guess he is just being a coward. so at this moment, i should just wait it out and ignore him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): He just broke up with you two weeks ago and he tells you he doesn't want to talk about it. I would leave him alone and not talk to him, I would wait for him to call you and he will most likely within the next two months, if he doesn't you can call him, but I would wait a long time....anything you do now is just going to annoy him and push him farther away. You could keep in touch with a card in the mail, saying you gave him a good reference and wish him well and ask him to stay in touch with you....
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your responses, however, a couple of things that I neglected to mention, was that this was completely out of the blue. My father has had some issues with it, since him and both of my grandfathers were in the army. He said that he completely understands why I feel uneasy about it. Also, my father wanted me to end the relationship, and he was being quite rash about it. This was at a time in my life when I had lots of school work to do (I am in university)and had just gotten into a fight with one of my best friends, and i had a lot on my mind. Still, he was supportive, but he would still not tell me his problems. He has a tendency to keep all of his emotions bottled up, and he said that he was treating this break up as if i had cheated on him. That really hurt me. He knows how much I love him, and I really do not want to let him go (I mean, leave me) because I feel that this can really work. I havent spoken to him in a few days, but something really important came up: you see, he had previously asked me to be a character reference for the navy. They gave me a call the other day, and I really want to tell my ex, but since he already believes that I was lying to him about my support, I dont know when or if i should tell him. I gave him a very good reference, and I was hoping that it would demonstrate how much I support him. I really want to get back together, because I want him to have someone to come home too. I just cannot get over the fact that I am "too late". I belive that he is just being immature, and that he won't realize what he has. I am still heartbroken and confused, what else should i do?
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 March 2008):
 He is bent on leaving and going sailing the high sea's.
There is nothing you can do or say to change his mind.
The best you can do is to let him leave and allow him the
luxury of time to think about your relationship .
A period of solitude will make him come to his senses.
If he comes back for you , then he is yours...
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): There really isn't enough information here to conclude anything about fear of commitment. My thinking is that he wants the relationship to be over as he is joing the navy and you won't be seeing each other perhaps for a long time and he wants to move on with this chapter of his life.
I don't know why he is using the "you don't support me" excuse, but that is unfair to you as he is the one who ended things probably for emotional reasons that don't have a logical explanation and trying to figure it out is an excercise in futility.
I know it hurts, but you would be best to stop having contact with him and let him go, your convincing him to stay in a relationship with you is not going to work, you can't convince any one to love you and want to be with you. By acting as if you accept the break up and really moving on with your life, you will show your ex that you really don't need him in your life, and he will most likely be rather impressed and shocked and curious and you may find that he starts pursuing you again, but I would not count on that, but if he does come back then you know it was because he wanted to and not because you forced him to stay.
I hope you will rally your supportive friends and family around you and you will feel better about things soon, in time, start dating other men, you will find someone better I can guarantee it.
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