A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey EveryoneIm asking this for my sister, because i believe that her boyfriend is hitting her, but she won't leave him, even though she admitted that he has hit her in the past, but stopped after she walked out, since then she went back and moved away with him,whenever i see her she's always rough, and looks older,(she's 20) and clearly wears make up to hide the marks, But whenever we try to talk to her about it, she just shuts up and won't talk about it, and says that their great together. What can i do to convince her that this man is a monster and she can do better? Also how i can prove that he is hitting her? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 She has to set the pace. Trying to force the issue just doesn't work and in fact makes it worse. She will then feel under attack and retreat to the "safety" of her relationship.
She needs to realize on her own that things are wrong. All you can do is then be there for her and encourage her own, small, steps she takes to get out. If she does.
It is the hardest part of dealing with this, you can't scream at her or drag her out or attack him. All you can do is be there for her when she needs support and give it without judging.
Don't even try things like reason. Harsh as it may sound, she is not self-aware/sentient anymore. Her reaction will be more that of a small child. Would you drag a small child out of bed and into the closet if it thinks there are monsters inside or reason that they can't be hiding under the bed? No.
Same with battered women. Force/logic don't work. She already left him once, support that gently, make sure that if she calls for instance hinting she might want to spend a night she can BUT don't pull or push her.
As a male my reaction would be to beat the crap out of the guy but that just don't work. Trust me on that.
Most of these women will spin it in their own mind that all this is either their own or societies fault and that if he was just left alone he would be better. Support her but only when she makes a move, no matter how small and no matter how many times she may slip back.
Read up on battered women as well. There is a lot to learn and your first instincts of helping are often wrong.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): ohh thats a shame and a real hard question aswell! I personally would tel someone - anyone who will listen, try having a really serious talk with your sister tell her yur really worried and stuff she might come round bit then, or even say to her, look its obvo by the marks on your face that you are being mistreat please get rid of him your too good for him. Maybe he might be forceing her not to tell. I know its not much but i hope my opinion helped :) take care x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): This is very difficult, unless she is preapred to open up and talk to you or take anybody in her confidence, no chance, but let her know, you are ther for her whenever she needs you. Maybe even talk to her, tell her what you suspect; she might get upset and deny or breakdown and admit....
I suggest, be there, stay in close contact, but in a diplomatic way.....
Not easy, but don't get to involved, because if you are correct, this guy willl want to keep you away and will keep her from seeing you or having contact. You will become a threat to him.
LOW KEY!
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