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male
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anonymous
writes: Hello, I'm 14. Male. I have 2 sisters, one is 16 years old, the other is 18. I'm concerned about the 16 year old.When I was looking for some files on my computer I stumbled across pictures of my sister smoking. I didn't know this, I don't think my parents or my other sister know either. Since it was her birthday last month, she might have done it before then.In the pictures she's with friends though. They do look a bit drunk though. But I would have never thought of my sister to smoke.I don't know if I should tell my parents or not, or should I say something to my sister?Also, my mum plays golf a lot, people around her smoke so when she comes back she stinks of smoke. Though I'm now thinking she smokes, supposedly my father found a pack of cigarettes in one of her bags. I'm just concerned about both of them. My uncle smokes, I convinced him to stop when I was a kid since I kept telling him he was going to die (what else would I have known?).What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (14 April 2006):
 Look your sister is nearly an adult. Why would you snitch on her to your parents? Leave her alone and maybe she will return the favour when you get the age where you start to experiment too!
x
A
female
reader, Lilly_Shipley +, writes (14 April 2006):
 There is no real right thing to do here.But there are several things you could do.1) Tell your other sister about your worry and suspicions.2)Tell your mum/dad you are worried about your sister(16).or 3)Try talking to your sister(16)and tell her that you are really worried about her and you don't want her to hurt herself.Hope this helpsLilly
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A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell +, writes (14 April 2006):
 Dear Reader,
I'm afraid to say there are no risk free options here. You could either:
1)Tell an adult outside of the family that you trust (but then they could tell someone and news could spread)
2) Tell someone inside the familt that you also trust (but then there is the same risk as option number one)
3) Tell your sister (16)
4) Tell your other sister
5) Drop hints to your 16 year old sister
6) Just tell everyone or tell your Parents
Hopefully one of these will help you but this is a tricky situation so it's up to you what you think is best.
I have no doubts you'll make the right choice but if something else comes up e-mail me personally!
All the best
Phoebe
xxx
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (14 April 2006):
 Tough question.
I think you need to call the photo to the attention of your sister, not your mum. Quietly, and as neutrally as you can, point out to her that you found that photo on your computer and ask her what it means.
Knowing 16-year-olds' general behaviour, you're likely to get a smart-alecky, "none of your business"-type answer, but try not to let this turn into an argument with her.
Point out that it looks very much in the photo like she's smoking and drunk, two activities that are as unhealthy at 16 as they are illegal. Tell her that she needs to talk to your parents about it, or that you will.
You can't prevent your sister smoking and drinking and generally falling under the influence of friends when it comes to risk-taking (that's what teenagers DO), but you have to stay true to yourself when you discover it. Sometimes it only takes the opinion of one person to dissuade another from making a bad choice, so maybe you can help your sister in the long run by not letting her hide her bad habits.
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