A
female
age
51-59,
*helly66
writes:My husband and I have been married for 15 years. We've had ups and downs for the past four years during which we both struggled caring for his very sick parents. Now his mom is dying. Also just before he turned fifty I noticed a change (last year), he wasn't as complimentive about dinner or when I looked nice. Now his mom is living at her home and different nurses come to care for her and it seems he's become infatuated with one in particular and I've noticed that he never calls me while these nurses are there.I asked him about his asummed infatuation. He says he's not thinking about this girl but doesn't reasure me that he loves me. We're still intimate. But there's a void. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (6 September 2007):
 He never calls you when the nurses are there, perhaps he's watching what they do, making sure they are not careless when they are caring for his dying mother. Are they administering her medication correctly? Are they taking her vital signs, recording them correctly? He may also need to speak with them about any changes he's seeing, and make sure she's as comfortable as possible. When you are paying for a nurse to care for someone, you better make sure they're doing a good job. Sometimes they also need to speak with family members because the patient cannot always communicate their needs as well. If you are concerned, why not go with him? You might feel alot better if you were involved.
It could also be that he's been thinking about his own death and that's why he's acting differently. It can weigh heavy on someone's mind after they've spent so much time watching their parent decline. We all fear our own mortality in some ways. Why not plan something fun for the two of you to do together, so you can both focus on living, rather than dying. He may see this young nurse as an escape. Why don't you try being his escape instead? Dress differently. Don't be so predictable. Take up some new hobbies together. Do something new and refreshing together so that it feels like the relationship has growth and not growing stale like his passing life may feel right now. Life is motion. If you want your marriage to continue to thrive, you have to know how to be playful and fun and youthful when you're together. Especially since you've both dealt with alot of death in your marriage. If you're the exciting, fun, adventurous woman he has to come home to every night, a stranger will seem less attractive and so will everyone else. Good luck.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 September 2007):
 So I guess there is no problem, right?
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A
female
reader, Shelly66 +, writes (6 September 2007):
Shelly66 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBy the way ,he told me this morning that he is not attracted to this girl and that he takes his vows seriously and that he loves his wife. I am nine years younger than he is.
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