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age
30-35,
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writes: heyi'm 17 i need your advice.i work in a sports centre helping teach people martial arts, mainly self defence to police and all that stuff. anyway i work closely with the head instructor and have done for nearly 2 years now.the head instructor is 30 years old, tall athletic build, rather good looking i suppose. we're quite good friends you know we have a laugh, good conversations all that jazz and everything has all been peace, love and bean sprouts..well he recently broke up with his long term relationship and has been on the re-bound ever since. i'm not certain, but i think he has started to turn his attention on me. nothing massive, but just little things like waiting for me after college (he has a second job where i study too) so we can head to work together, being more open about his relationships, what he finds attractive etc. but then there's the fact that he's becoming alot more relaxed around me.. he often gets changed while i'm still in the room, insisting i shouldn't have to leave as he's not removing his boxers. that's happened on quite a few occasions, yet he knows i'm uncomfortable with it.i've also seen him completely naked before because he asked me to give him a towel when he forgot to take one into the shower.. it all seemed a little too convenient though, especially as i know i put towels in the bathroom before he went in anyway.. infact i'm certain of it. he was very comfortable to be standing in the middle of the bathroom right where the door opens. i even knocked, and he didn't do anything to hide himself. i don't have a clue what's going on here but i'm finding it very uncomfortable. he also keeps telling me to be more relaxed around him, don't be so quick to maintain distance from him etc.what should i do? i love working there but if he fancies me or something then it will ruin a work relationship, not to mention i find it uncomfortable that a 30 year old man fancies a 17 year old.do you think he fancies me? if not then what do you think his intentions are?thanks for reading and thanks for any advice.ShanaD94 xx
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (9 November 2011):
 Other than reminding him how inappropriate it is (which at 30, he should know better) the only other option you have is to quit.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey thanks for the advice,i don't think i made this clear and i should have done really. this instructor is the owner of the center, he's the manager co-ordinator etc. i'm the only other official member of staff there.there are male and female changing rooms but the room where he keeps his change of clothes is the parents room (it's a chest of draws that we use to double up as a coffee table and my instructor keeps some clothes in there, nothing special, just some t-shirts n stuff as there's no room to keep it anywhere else) anyway after everyone's left he often can't be bothered to walk to the changing room, so he get's changed in the parents room.i'm often in that room as i'm either tidying up, or simply reading a book, as that is the only place there is to sit (other than the changing rooms, but they're not the nicest of places to sit in and relax after teaching)as for customers coming in, they have to open the loudest door you can possibly imagine and climb 3 flights of stairs.. (it's an exercise just getting to the our centre haha) so from that front there is ample warning before someone could see anything and jump to the wrong conclusion.as for me seeing him naked, that was (as far as i'm aware) was an accident. but more could have been done to stop it from happening..but anyway, because he is the owner, co-ordinator, manager etc. he is my boss, so he does have authority over me.as i say i love my job and the responsibility i'm given, and i don't want it to be ruined by anything. so i'm reluctant to outright say 'no' to him getting changed infront of me. more to the point, i shouldn't need to tell him that it's inappropriate.yeah, thanks again for the help and advice, i hope i've cleared a couple of things up :)Shana D xx
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 November 2011):
 He is definitely crossing the lines. Either you need to be firm and put him in his place, or go above his head to his superior. It can be very difficult to address him on this and take a stance and tell him off, because you are younger than him and he has authority over you at the work-place. But remember that he is NOT your superior, you are colleagues, and you have just as much of a right to distance yourself if you want to, as he has a right to distance himself from you should you become too pushy.
Stand up to him. Tell him that his behaviour towards you in inappropriate, that you do NOT wish to see him naked, or undressed, or have him change in front of you. You are his colleague, not his play-date, and he needs to keep things at a professional level. You are happy to be his friend, but he needs to get back in line of a professional friendship. You and him are NOT lovers or best buddies.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (8 November 2011):
This man is very unprofessional and highly inappropriate.
Aren't there male and female locker rooms? I don't understand how you keep on seeing him naked and undressing.
You need to go to the HR manager or coordinator right away, or your instructor's boss. They need to be aware of his inappropriate behavior in the work place. If you don't report him someone else could walk in on you two (co-worker, customer) and report that you two have a relationship. In which, they may fire the both of you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2011): You sound very mature for a 17 year old. Good ! BTW, you can be upfront in telling him politely about what you feel. If he doesnt change his ways, make a point that you demonstrate distancing your self in a respectable way. Start hanging out less with him. Blatantly [lie ? if need be] say that you have other stuff to catch up when asked to join him and stuff. Goodluck !
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