A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I want to seek advice. I just got married for about 5 months now, but our baby is now 2 years old. Personally, I married my husband because I want my son to have a family when he grows up. To be legit in the eyes of everyone. Also because of family pressure and other stuff. But I guess I didn't marry my husband because of love. I love him because he is the father of my son, but now I can say that I am in love with somebody else, someone who I loved ever since, even before my husband. And that someone feels the same way too and he's single but in a relationship. I got pregnant early and now I'm only 23. I am thinking that marrying my husband might be a wrong decision. It was too quick. Right now, I feel heavy. Most of the time, my husband doesn't meet my emotional needs and it's very surprising that the other one meets them without even doing anything. He makes me happy even in his presence alone. we don't have a commitment, we don't have sex, but we both admitted our feelings for each other. We just hang out sometime with other friends and talk. It feels good and I really love it. It's kinda difficult to deal with this thing because I live in a country where divorce is not allowed and annulment takes decades to be filed completely. I am not sure what to do, but one thing is for sure. I want to be happy this time and being happy means being with someone I really love. However, things are too complicated for the the three of us and also my son. My husband on the contrary,has been a good father to my son and no one can replace that. However, when it comes to me, it lacks. There are so many things that he doesn't do and he is so insensitive. Sometimes I think he just wants me for sex and here I am just giving it to him even if I don't feel like it. Sometimes, he disrespects me that eventually resulted to me, falling out of love with him. Well, I've fallen out of love with him a long time ago. Whew, the story is too long. Please give me some advice. Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you dear male reader for your advice. I understand what you are trying to imply. As for my child, I never missed a chance being with him. I am a working mom and I do everything for my child just to raise him well. I am not willing to commit adultery, that's why I put all my agony here. It aids me a little. I have fear to God and I know the consequences it might bring to my family. It is just something that I somehow failed to do in my past that haunts me now. My feelings towards this guy never disappeared because I really do love him. However, I did everything. I forgot about my dream just to be a mother and a wife. I just sometimes ask myself, why do I have to feel this way? My family is really supportive and whatever happens in the future, I know that they are not going to leave me. I still have my mom and dad with me, to answer your first question. My child is my life and I will do everything in my power to raise him well despite my imperfections. Thank you again.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): Do you come from a broken family?
We are all human and being human comes imperfection, and it is also normal to have such feelings, but what is not normal is what you do about that feeling. I can sense that you are willing to commit adultery because you just want to be happy. Have you asked yourself? how about your 2 year old child? Do you intend to let him understand in due time that you did all of this because his father is not making you feel less of a woman? Besides, considering you have a 2 year old child, you still have time to meet up with this love interest of yours? What is your child doing in times you are flirting with this guy? You should be beside your child during these critical years of his life; you should be teaching him all the things he needed because 2 year olds are fast learners, or are you teaching your child adultery at this early stage? I'm sorry to be harsh on you, I just felt pity for your child but I would credit it to your youth, your thoughts are still unstable but don't let it get hold of you, though you are young, you already know what is right and wrong, you can stick to that and maybe it will help if you ask someone from your family about advice instead of posting it here, I'm sure they will understand and give you advice what you need.
I agree with the rest of the post, please have pity on your child. He needs both of you badly.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the advice you gave here. I really appreciate that. I think I am not confused at all. There is more to know about the story. Before I got pregnant, we broke up because things didn't work out anymore. I had a relationship with this guy after two years of waiting, I guess. But we needed to separate because I found out that I was pregnant with my ex's kid [my husband now]. So I decided to get back to him and compromise. Hoping that it would all be alright somehow. Now I sometimes feel I shouldn't have rushed into things that easily. We still argue over the same things we argued before and I feel less of a woman with my husband. For so many reasons, he makes me feel not special. [too many to enumerate] I love him and all that, but I love someone much more that it hurts to realize that there is no turning back. I just feel so sad that we can never be together again. We don't have any commitment. We're friends, but my husband is still bitter towards him. How I wish it can be as easy as that. Just friends and pretend that nothing happened.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): love in its truest sense are not fully based on feelings specially if you are too less to motivation. It should be a choice that even though if there is no reward you will choose to love the person.Perhaps the reason that you fall out of love is because you yourself lack somethings that you should be giving to your husband as well. Youve been only married for 5 months and its too pre-mature to say that you fall out of love.All i can say is do not follow your heart because it will follow what it feels good at the moment. You must lead your heart to do what is right. Try to talk to your husband first about your situation and then if its necessary go to counselling. Consider your son and also hear to those people who are concern for you and your family.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): Maybe you're just confused with the situations because someone from the past comes rushing in, filling the gaps your husband failed to occupy, on the exact moment you felt so down and bothered with the current situation.. Just think of it this way, if you think marrying your husband was a bad idea, letting your child grow up with a broken home and a broken heart will be worse. He's just 2 years old, too young for desperate situation. I think it's better if you talk to your husband first and have a reconciliation and please, try to stay away from that guy who could ruin your family. It may be hard on the 1st or 2nd try but for the sake of your little boy, try to settle everything and make some moments with your family in order to divert your attetion from all the negative things. C'mon, you're only married for 5months and you're already have the feeling of giving up?? Why not try to focus on the beautiful things your husband has given and less on those bad energy.., i'm sure this is just one of those winding road that'a hard to take but eventually, just like any other road, your travel will end with the powers of prayers and proper communications.
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reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (25 October 2010):
 You said it yourself you didn't marry your husband because you loved him, you did it so your son would have both parents growing up. That isn't working out is it? You're not going to find happiness and love you seek in him, start to file that annulment now because I'm sure adultery is frowned upon in your country too.
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