A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Last night was very odd and I think I had some sort of breakdown - I'll explain a few things first.I've just turned 17 and I've not had an easy life - I had precocious puberty (I started my periods and basic puberty at the age of 6/7. I've been wetting the bed all my life and I'm on medication at the moment to try and battle that which I've been on for about 4 years now. I have severe acne which obviously gives me no confidence at all and I'm quite overweight, only I've been on a 'diet' for about 7 weeks now and I've lost almost a stone. I've always had problems with friends - its just been my luck. I have friends now and always have done...but I've had many problems with them in the past and even now I don't have really close friends or a best friend. The family moved to where we live now 7 years ago and now we're moving back home. The house has been up for sale over a year now and we have just a few days ago accepted an offer so hopefully things are finally happening. However, last September we still hadn't moved house yet I still needed to start at the college I was due to start at because we thought we'd have moved by then. My Gran lives over in that area (I'll just say Warwickshire) so I went to live with her and my brother did too as he needed to start uni. For 4 months I lived in her bungalow in a spare room while my brother slept in the dining room. I started college which was an hours bus ride each way from my Gran's house. On a Friday afternoon my dad would pick me up from college and my brother up from uni and bring us back home for the weekend then on a Monday morning we'd set off at 7am and get me into college in Warwickshire for just after 9am. We lived like this for 4 months, and it was VERY difficult. I found living away from home, being completly on my own sometimes, missing my parents and having to live in my Grandma's house with all the travelling was just too much. The whole family hated how we were split up and it was an awful time for us. In December it got too much and I ended up crying myself to sleep each night and I started to comfort eat and in the space of a few months I put on over a stone. I HATED life and in January it was decided I would move back home and pull out of college to sort myself out. I'll be starting again at the college in September doing the same course and my place is guranteed - this time the whole family will be living over there. So now I do voluntary work in Cancer Research to give me something to do rather than being stuck at home everyday until we move house.So life has never been easy for me, I feel I've gone through very tough times and there are so many memories I have when I've cried myself to sleep and self harmed a few times too - I do feel as though I've not had a normal teenage life. Up until I was 14 my other brother was extremely nasty to me - he made my life hell; calling me names, bruising me, making me cry on so many occasions (we get on now that he's 21.) and I've always got on pretty much with my other brother. As for my dad, I have never got on with him. We don't speak because it's too awkward, we've never had a relationship and the only time we talk is if we argue. There are so many things that wind me up about him and we just do not get on (I could go on for hours about that). So that's sort of a background to my life...Now last night I was feeling very flat - I'd been with 2 friends earlier who are best friends so naturally I felt a little left out but it also felt strange knowing I was moving soon anyway. I went to see my mum last night who was in the study looking at houses on the internet and she could see I was down. She kept asking what was wrong and I tried to explain but in a way...I didn't really know what was wrong - I just felt very flat which is normal considering the frustrating life we have currently. So after no answers from me and I was stood there in silence, she completly went beserk and just had a go at me telling me to just leave her alone if I wasn't going to talk - she really went mental so I ran upto my room crying my eyes out. 5 minutes later my dad came charging to my room and when he's angry, he's REALLY angry. He went mad too, demanding I went downstairs and apologised to my mum when I hadn't said or done anything that I needed to apologise for. He was shouting at me so I shouted back and then my mum came running up the stairs (she's hard of hearing so she couldn't hear what my dad was saying) and she told him to leave me alone because he was making things worse in which case he started to call me a 'little bitch', a 'cow', he said he's sick to death of me, he hates me and I've caused him so much trouble over the years. I had no idea what he meant by that and even though he's called me those words so many times before, it didn't stop it killing me inside - I just shrieked with tears. My mum came into my room and starting having a go saying this was all my fault at which point I couldn't even speak - my tears had taken over and I was almost screaming at her telling her to get out my room but she just kept shouting and then trying to calm me down but it wasn't going to happen - it was awful. Eventually after I sort of gestured her towards the door, screaming at her telling her I wanted to be on my own, I shut the door and just fell to the ground crying my eyes out for about 15 minutes. My whole body was shaking, I could hardly breathe and was having to seriously take deep breaths to help myself and I was just crawling across the floor. I tried to stand up but just fell back down again - it's been a seriously long time since I've been like that and in fact, I don't know if I've ever been THAT bad. I also got some scissors and started to scratch my wrist really hard - that's just the 3rd time I've done that ove the years. My mum came back up to see if I'd calmed down but I still couldn't even talk through the tears and breathing so she went back downstairs (my dad had gone to bed because they'd had a blazing row because of me) and told me to come down and talk to her when I'd calmed down. When I did calm down, talking was the last thing I wanted to do and so I just went to bed. Today I spent the whole day watching a DVD in my room because I didn't want to go downstairs where my dad was. Then my brother came round and I went food shopping with him and had my first meal of the day at tea - great(!)Anyway....I just want to know what's wrong with me. It's like I had a complete breakdown and I was so scared. Sometimes I think I have a hint of depression...but when I'm working at the shop I'm happy and smiley...but perhaps that's a false image I put on. When I'm with my mates I always make them laugh cos I've always been the comedian of the group...but is that fake as well? They'd never believe what goes on at home sometimes! I just don't understand what's going on with me right now. I'd just really like to hear some words from some of you.Thank you.Penny x
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a break, acne, best friend, confidence, overweight, period, split up, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): hi penny, i sort of know what your going through, wel no i dont actually but ive got some of the problems youve got. basically im 14, ive wet the bed all my life aswell, i still havent started my periods, ive just found a lump in my breast which scared me and so i assumed the worst and have been crying all night thinking ive got cancer. and the hospital are saying im seriously under weight. i also dont get on with my parents that well. my mum flips at the slightest things and my 10 year old brother is a pain. i get on with my dad ish and he takes my side in arguements most of the time. ive ran away twice now. once a few months ago with my friend and another time to my grans, but it got to 10 and i decieded to go home so that didnt go to plan. i have trouble finding friends aswell. i had an amazing bunch of friends then all of a sudden i put some pics on facebook of them that they said theylooked awful in and they blanked me. i deleted the pics but ever sice then they have always been funny with me. now it sounds so stupid but im sooo sensitive its untrue! so i decieded to leave them and go and get some better freinds and i found some, but they didnt work out either because they had all known each other for 3 years and i was all of a sudden joining their freindship group. im also not really clever. and you hear people saying that all the time but im really not. ive got cs so far in my subjects, i dont understand things in lessons and i think i should go back to the beginning of high school to learn everything again. i get atressed easily because my family annoy me and when im stressed, my medication doesnt work so i wet the bed. i have resulted to self harm on a few occasions and i cut all my wrists arms but one of the teachers saw at school and told my head of year who obviously called me in and asked me about it. i said my friend hollys cat did it and she believed me. when i next saw holly i told her that she had to stick to the story that her cat did it and she agreed but later that day when our head of year called her in she spilled and told her everything and my head of year got me a counsellor. i never tuned up for the sessions and so i got into trouble with the headteacher. it all stared going downhill from there so yeah basically. x
A
female
reader, AuntAnya +, writes (14 May 2009):
Omg!!!! I can relate to what you've been saying so well!! Not getting along with my father, self harming, no confidence/friends, non-stop crying, happy/depressedI feel like I'm sorting myself out atm but at least once every day my parents make me cry in my bedroom!! I have a lot of friends now and am REALLY happy at school, but when I get home I just hide all of my emotions. Do you feel kind of trapped inside of yourself sometimes? Just a tip for self-harming: get an elastic band and flick it on your wrist if you need to! It causes the pain but no blood =)I'm too tired atm to write a proper reply, but if u want to chat sometime just leave me a message =)Take careAnya x
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