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male
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anonymous
writes: I don't know whats wrong with me but I seem to think negative about my relationship and girlfriend. Im not sure but I think im bored in my relationship and its really irritating me. All we ever do is the same and now my girlfriend won't even visit my house anymore and has pretty much said how much she loves me coming to her house rather than mine and has slated my room in front of mates. At least then it varied and changed when we alternatly saw each other at each others house but now I'm going to hers after a long days work and sitting in her room while she baths for half an hour and lies on her bed the rest of the night.Its not as if she has planned anything to do at her house and expects me to lie in her room for hours. Its boring! Please help! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, slimjim7  +, writes (17 April 2010):
Hmm, from some of your words, it sounds a familiar picture that many have faced. But you've been brief with details, so it's hard to tell. eg. you say she doesn't like your room - why, what specifically doesn't she like? Are you willing to change that so she will com back to your room? Is her complaints about it valid?i think most guys can empathise with you about the bath/bed situation of nothing much going on. But then, does she know you don't like this? (how have you acted when this goes on?)in my xperiences some girls will want to spend all their spare time with you because of how much they like you, whether you're doing anything, or nothing. (So clingy types). That's just how some are. Me, well, when i'm doing something boring (say jobs/chores) i don't force it on others to twiddle thir thumbs whilst i do my work, but that's me realising they don't like waiting, so i give them warning/choices etc. But i've been in similar situations as you dscribe, and yes i've been annoyed as thoughts of "i could be doing any 1 of a 100 tasks i need to do in this time, instead of being here literally waiting". i work hard, so weekends are precious to me as they are rare. One ladyfriend didn't fully apprciate this, and kept saying to me - "as my boyfriend, if you loved me you would want to spend as much time as possible with me"... We continued for a while, but that time had been marked. Eventually, the time came when i chose my (patient) friends, and general life, than one that revolved only around her, where she was the centre of everything. I feel much better now, when looking back, since i got to know my friends again, since going out with her, i'd seen them significantly less (due to the majority of my limited spare time and money went on her). however, that was after much deliberation, and talking to her, trying to see if things could work, etc. So basically, it sounds as with most relationship situations - first you need to talk perhaps, work out why you're both acting the way you are, then you can know if you're wanting to make it work, or not. Then act on it!
A
female
reader, Freeedom  +, writes (14 September 2009):
Check it out. If she is bathing herself and laying in bed for an hour then she just wants you to give it to her. Most guys would be happy about that but yea-- it gets boring without mental stimulation. At least you're not living with her... thats when you will have a real problem. Be glad you have one foot out, and use that to your advantage. Don't go over there if you know you'll get bored, and maybe she'll get the hint. If she doesn't than bounce and find a girl that stimulates you mentally. Yah I know, easier said than done. Im in a 6 yr relationship, we live together, and Im bored to the point that I lash out at him to help me get "unbored". He just sits there and says-- I dont know what to do. After hearing that, now you know you have it easy!! BOUNCE BEFORE ITS TOO LATE cuz its super hard from where Im at. I love him but gotta love myself... life sucks when you feel like you're settling.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): dude i have the same problem of yours....any way i think we'r really boored from them but we still love them ...so the only solution is to keep a little distance between both of you by not seeing each other on daily basis....
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (21 May 2007):
 Relationships are about compromise. If it's turning into a one-sided game where she holds all of the cards, your best bet is to cash in your chips. If she's not willing to work at it, you shouldn't give her the satisfaction of making you do the work. I think that you should walk away.
DV1
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A
female
reader, Confused Angel +, writes (21 May 2007):
Hi there, relationships can definately fall into the 'too comfortable with eachother' stage which sounds as if you have fallen in to.
How long have you two been together?
I know after a few years of seeing someone, that it is easy to fall into the above category, and both partners need to always make an effort with one another to make the relationship last....
It sounds to me as if your girlfriend is starting to not make as much of an effort with your relationship by always expecting you to come over to her place, espcecially after a hard and long days work, doesnt sound right.
Different story like you said if she had something planned for the two of you by the time of you got there, but if she is just bathing and laying on her bed and expects you to do that with her every night, can get pretty repetitive, hence your boredom.
I think you're girlfriend definately is still into the relationship, although because you have started going there more often then to your place, she probably thinks that it is ok....
If you are still into the relationship, maybe mention to you her that you'd like to go back to the alternative nights where you would be at your place half the time and at her place half the time... OR just stop going to her place as much and see if she recommences coming back to yours.... good luck and keep us updated...
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