A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i'm really into this girl. she's recently had a rough break up (was abused), but i didn't know anything about that before i met her a couple of months ago. we flirted on fb quite a bit, now i feel like i've smothered her (she barely responds). how can i bait her back in?
View related questions:
flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (10 April 2012):
 oK, thanks, that makes it easier. She was abused previously so that does make her more vulnerable and more wary. Plus her recent break-up. And yes she may not have felt comfortable about some aspect of your flirting. You don't know her well enough to know the real reasons yet.
She could just be busy, or have some other pressures on her.
Go for some face to face interaction. FB may not be her preferred option.
She is a mature adult and should be able to cope with some interest in her, despite the breakup, without freaking out. And she is capable of being assertive about signalling her non-interest.
And capable of coping with you being upfront with her about your feelings. And should be capable of an adult response to your willingness to back off a little (but still be holding a torch for her).
If you are still interested but she seems hesitant then put your cards on the table.
Tell her you will be prepared to listen to her and would like to keep in touch, without pressuring her.
Let her know you can wait while she continues to assess you for who you are and what your intentions are.
But that you really ARE interested.
She will either be flattered and hear you out, or she will, (hopefully), gently signal her real views on why she felt the need to back off.
Sadly, for you, if she is really not interested, and tells you again that she is not interested, then you will need to respect her wishes.
Your honestly and face to face upfront admissions may be enough to get her to reconsider.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe's 24. i am 28. she just started law school right out of undergrad & i waited. i am older by 4 years.
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (10 April 2012):
How old is she exactly? Two years is of no consequence when you are older but is a chasm when you are younger.
And an accurate age makes it easier to give you an accurate answer.
As she has broken up recently and she is about to graduate then I suggest you get on with your life and live your life. If it is meant to be it will happen and if it is not then you may end up meeting someone even more amazing.
In this world there are around 7 billion people. Half of them are the opposite sex to you. Yes some are too young or too old or too something. Some are taken or will not be interested but that still leaves millions of girls who potentially you could find are your perfect match out of the 3.5 billion of females currently on this earth. As you travel and widen your horizons you will be amazed how many amazing women exist in this world who are attractive, nice to know and available to you.
Please do not lose heart. There is a perfect girl or girls out there for you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe lives right down the street. i see her at school semi-regularly, but she's about to graduate and i have 2 more years left. should i wait for her to initiate? keep her talking by asking questions?
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (9 April 2012):
Are you close enough to see her face to face regularly? Do you run into her occasionally or does she live nearby? If you do then keep it light. And stay cool. But try to make her feel comfortable in your company but don’t push too hard. Show an interest in what interests her. Let her do the talking.
If she is barely responding she is not ready or does not yet know you well enough. Or you do not know her well enough yet and so far she is not allowing you to do so.
Hasten slowly and stay a gentleman when you do. She may have read some of your FB posts and seen things that bother her. Check out your comments and those of your friends and see if there is anything there that may have bothered her
I prefer face to face as a way to get to know someone. But I realise that FB is used (sometimes successfully)
If you can arrange a face to face meet then you will be more able to assess if there is a future or not with this girl.
Best Wishes
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 April 2012):
 she just recently had a bad breakup... she's probably not ready to date yet...
do you live close by
do you want to be a friend or more?
because if you want MORE you need to let her heal.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2012): You have to give her space right now to deal with her break up.
...............................
|
