A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I dont really believe in the idea of soulmates or "the one" in the sense that its my destiny or fate, but I do believe that certain people click together more so than others. And I'm pretty sure I've found that. The problem is that neither of us are ready for/want a relationship. We also live 3,000 miles apart most of the year. Im home for the winter and as much as I get over him while I'm away, the minute I see him again I'm reminded that I still have yet to find anyone like him.I've known him for a while, he was a couple years older than me in high school and was friends with my friends. I always had a tiny crush on him, but last winter I started hanging out with him more, and we ended up hooking up. I left and thought that was that, but we kept talking and he kept flirting. When I came home for spring break I went over his house late at night but we both thought the other didnt want anything, so nothing happened. We kind of gradually lost contact and I think it was mainly my doing. I expected him to chase me forever, even though I was too afraid to let anything happen. We barely talked through the summer even though I was home. I saw him at his show once but he only slightly acknowledged me and I could tell he felt awkward (or I was being awkward, rather). Then, at the end of the summer he randomly asked to come with me to where I lived, to maybe live for a month or two. The thing is, Im pretty certain he wasnt implying he wanted to be with me, he just wanted to be where I am. It obviously fell through, so despite that I was in love with him, I did my best to try and forget him. When I went back to school, he started to talk to me a lot more. Since then, we've talked pretty regularly. He is one of the few people I went to his show last night and he gave a way bigger hug than I expected. We didnt really talk/see each other much, but when I left hugged me and said "goodbye lover". He was a bit drunk I suppose, but it really threw me off. I guess the biggest problem is that although I definitely dont want a relationship (it would never work out now and mentioning that would be really jumping the gun), but I feel way too strongly about him to just have a fling and not get attached. Im leaving mid-february and will not be back until the end of may. I feel as though we could probably pick up where we left off last spring, when things went awry, but should I leave out the serious stuff for another time, if it does pick up? Or should I just not get involved with him at all..?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2011): I think you are way jumping the gun on this one. He has no desire to have a relationship with you and has not made any steps to be with you. Dating followed by a commitment are the first clues this is the one for you.
I'm sorry to say but you are just a random hookup for him and I doubt there is anything more that will come of this. There's absolutely no signs from his end that should lead you to start questioning if you should accept a more serious relationship from him...he doesn't want one obviously and probably has no intention of things getting serious.
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