A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been in this ldr for almost 2 years. We met on a chatline and instantly connected! Every time me tried to meet up,something would always happen on both of our ends, so although we had never seen each other we did skype and video chat and send pic which made things feel a little bit more real. I really loved this guy and he said he loved me to. We would fight or argue due to the fact it was going on 2 years and we never actually met.... So one day he took vacation from work and I was off work 2 days in a row so he decided to drive the 5 hours and come visit! We both were so excited! In the past he has said a lot of hurtful things(that you would never say to someone you love) to me and there were times I was so through with him bt somehow we would always find a way back into each other lives.... So he comes and he's all I ever wanted. It was lovely meeting him for the first time.. So we hang out at our hotel and talk and figure out where were going for dinner but i can tell Sumthin was bothering him... So he tells me that he's been trying to call his mom and let her no he's made it to me safe but she isn't answering and that's not like her to not answer the phone. So i tell him maybe her phone died. Maybe she's sleeping. Mayb this maybe that just don't worry. And he's like ok but I can tell he was worried out of his mind but also trying to relax... So all of a sudden we begin to have sex. Right wen were done he checks his phone and reads a text from his sis saying mom js got rushed to the hospital because she stop breathing... He tries calling everyone back but gets no answer. He flips out and it seems like he wants to cry. He punches the wall and starts packing his things and saying how he has to leave and go back. I was so scared for him and his family because it's night time, It's raining and he's frustrated and scared and I js felt like he should have waited until the morning to leave but I tried to b there as much as i could because I loved him and I wanted him to b ok as well as his mom. So he gives me a kiss and leave and as soon as I watch him leave i start balling in tears! for once it actually happened but he has to go! Lik we've made so many attempts bt something always happens and now that were face to face This happens. It was so hard sleeping in that hotel by myself that night... So he calls me wen he's home saying he's made it to the hospital and his mom is doing ok and he will call me back. Everything was so short and me trying to b a good girlfriend i wanted more attention or js to no that he enjoyed the little time we spent together, but i understood his situation so I just let it be! a day goes by and he doesnt call me and I'm wondering lik what's up! I no ur moms sick bt can u at least txt me or let me no everything's ok with u and ur family. I was getting a little worried so I text him and ask him like whats up. Y aren't u picking up my calls. Like what's wrong? Is everything ok? Is there anything I can do?.. He calls me right back cursing me out saying if he doesn't want to answer my calls he doesn't have to. And how I'm to needy and how he can't do this anymore and how he's not sorry for all the hurtful things he said in the past to me. My heart was literally in total pieces. I was so shocked and hurt! I didn't no what to think or do. He made me feel like me trying to b there for him and me showing concern was being " too much in his business" he said u need to fall back cuz this is his family... He broke my heart. It's been almost 2 months since he cursed me out and I haven't talk to him called him and he hasn't called me.not even on my birthday... And now I'm starting to think What did I do wrong.do i owe him an apology? I feel so insecure now. I've been miserable and down idk what to do. I thought that i would b over it by now bt it js seems like I feel worst. Im tired of crying myself to sleep.I'm Tired of crying when I'm alone thinking of him. I'm tired of feeling this pain. Will it ever go away. Idk if he said those mean words out of anger and pain from what he's going through or because he really meant it. Idk if I should reach out to him and c how's everythings going or just leave it! I have so many unanswered questions. I think about him 24/7 and although he's literally called me every name in the book I'm still curious. I no u may think I'm dumb bt I really love this guy! What do i do at this point? I think about his mom. I feel like nobody understands. Should I call him? I js don't want to feel this way with or without him. Y did he do this to me? What did i do to him. I don't think we ever went this long without talking. Please help!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2012): I've been searching for months to find a story similar to mine. We do argue and make up and it feels so real. Well unlike your story my guy refuse to give me any personal info on himself. He hates sending pictures and video chat is a no. When we did talked about 1 1/2 yr ago he called from a block number. I beg him to call me but he will make up excuses why he can't call me. He responds to my mails when he feels like and everytime we try to meet something always happens to stop the meeting. I stood waiting for him 2 times and he didn't show, for something bad happened to him. The last attempt he made to visit me he got into an accident and is now in wheelchair to heal. I'm so confuse and feel like a desperate fool. I'm now afraid to meet him and tries to let go but can't. I know its difficult but I do hope you found someone who loves you without the games, for you deserve it. As for me, I'm not sure if I'm being played for a fool and should just walk away. Please any response will be helpful.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (3 February 2012):
 I'm sorry you're going through this and I wish there was an easier way to say what I'm going to say, but there isn't.I do not believe his tale about his mum being ill. I strongly suspect that at some point during the visit (if not before it) he decided there was no future or no chemistry between you and this story about his mum was his exit strategy.Setting aside this deception for a moment, he is a wildly unstable and abusive individual and what you're feeling for him is not, in my opinion, love but co-dependency.You should have walked away the very first time he lashed out. You didn't because you were hungry for power and reassurance and you thought his guilt would move him to give it to you.The sad thing is you're sitting here preoccupied with him and his well being but he isn't thinking about you at all. He has moved on to someone else. Perhaps someone in real life and so he has no use for you.Under no circumstances should you attempt to contact him. He won't appreciate your 'love' and 'concern'. He will see you as pathetic and it will only repulse him.This will pass and your feelings for him will fade over time. Be patient and find other things, positive things with which to occupy yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2012): We all say hurtful things but he shouldn't have cussed you out. i know what you mean by no matter what he has said you still love him. My man has cheated on me multiple times but i stay with him cause i know he is lost and needs help and I know he loves me. He has never had a woman that was honest and loyal before so he is confused. You need to do what you heart feels is right. If you think it may be best to just forget him and move on and meet someone new that won't cuss you out and call you everything under the sun the do it. you deserve love and respect, we all do. So do what is best for you to get you love and happiness and respect dear.
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