A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have a gut feeling that my husband has been cheating on me, he just says that I'm paranoid. In the past he has cheated on me, and the way he is acting, the same patterns are there!! On his phone bill, there is this one number that he talks to, and texts, that on top of coming home late, and from what I've been hearing, telling people things about me, that make me look like a horrible person!! No sex!! And I found a change of address in his bag. Everybody thinks he is such a nice guy, Do you think I'm wrong in thinking he's at it again??
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everybody for all your answers!! I did find out the number that he has been calling and texting, is a girl in his AA group, lately he has been into hiding his phone. So yup, it is so plain to see, he is a sneaky cheat!!! I'm moving on to better things!!!
A
female
reader, jacks  +, writes (12 September 2007):
 first of all i just want to say i know the feelings that you are dealing with at the minute. my husband of 8 years admitted having an emotional affair with a woman he worked with. however it took alot to get him to finally admit it. he too told me i was paranoid and seeing things and at one point i seriously thought i was going to loose my mind because i could see what was happening but he was telling me something completely different. he has however moved out due to the fact that i told him as long as she is in his life i wouldnt be and she still is by the way. you need to trust your instincts and if you say hes cheated before you have every right to be suspicious of his actions. you are his wife and have a right to know what your husband is doing and who he is with. confront him and tell him how you feel dont do what i did and sneak around trying to get evidence. communication is the key here and you need to talk to him. dont get upset or in a temper just be calm and ask him about the phone calls and texts and if your not satisfied then pick up the phone in his presence and call the number. good luck i wish you all the best
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): You’re being cheated on. A man who has nothing to hide will not hide what your husband is protecting. If he is truly innocent then he should be protecting your "paranoia" by telling you everything. Cheating isn’t just intercourse. It can also be an emotional affair, one in which the man is bonding through emotional conversation that he normally wouldn’t have with you there. Ask him plainly who the phone number is (without anger or he wont tells you) and let him know why you need to know-that you want to be able to trust him again. If you were cheated on, and your husband is trying to gain your trust, these "bombs" that you are finding in the relationship are not helping. You need to set boundaries and follow through. Tell him that you need to be in a 100 percent honest relationship (this goes for you to so if you’re hiding anything-tell!). Ask him if any of his needs are not being met by you. Be sincere. Ask to understand how he is feeling and not to just get mad. It sounds like your husband is missing the conversations you shared instead of the constant snooping, blaming, and yelling. Break the cycle. Start talking openly without anger to ONLY understand. If you find yourself continuing this exhausting cycle, ask yourself what needs to change and that may be you asking him to leave. ALWAYS follow through with consequences. He will learn that you respect yourself and that he will NOT ever do it again if he wants to be with you because you WILL not put up with it because you love yourself more then that and will leave because your worth it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): Sounds very suspicious I have to say. Trust your insticts, but get some concrete evidence. Have you tried ringing the number from a public phone, so that your call can't be traced to you? Do some investigation and make your decision based on what you find.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 September 2007):
 Holy Cow! He talks nastily about you behind your back, he comes home late, no sex, he's cheated on you before, his phone bill is suspicious, he calls you paranoid, and you wonder if he's cheating on you? Honey, his behavior is not acceptable even on the slightest chance that he's not cheating. This marriage is simply not functioning. If talking to him isn't working then you can try counseling but it sure looks bleak to me. You might be much happier if you go your separate ways.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (11 September 2007):
 Hi,
Well admitedly it doesnt look good. But there could be an explanation for it.
Its really hard when you have been cheated on to get back the trust, so of course you are paranoid. Why on earth would he expect you not to be.
How would you handle it if you found out he was. Would you end it this time, or would you forgive him again. This is what you need to talk to him about. If he is cheating on you, personally I would not give him another chance, and I would end it and throw him out.
I understand how hard this is believe me, but you cannot let the man treat you like that again. You only have one life, and you deserve better.
But if he is innocent, then he should not loose his temper, understand, and do his utmost to make you feel secure.
If he gets nasty when you question him, it could be that he is fed up with being accused. Or it could also be guilt.
Talk to him and see how he reacts.
Best of luck Honey
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A
male
reader, In_need_of_advice  +, writes (11 September 2007):
A leopard never changes it's spots. I think you are right, and need to trust your gut feeling. It seems that all of the signs are there, although, I know you are feeling unsure because you have no solid proof. Try talking to him about it and see if he gets defensive. If he does, you'll know where you stand.
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