A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Can someone please help me as I'm distressed and don't know what to do.I'm currently receiving counselling because I've been suffering from depression and stress related exhaustion.For some time now I have suspected I may have Aspergers - but I also had an extremely strange and abusive uprbringing. All my life, since childhood, I've had trouble fitting in and I recognise the signs that come up online, relating to Aspergers - I find social life baffling and have been very hurt and exploited in the past. I also just find it totally exhausting. The thing is, I feel HUGE compassion and empathy for people, and I have been used as counsellor over and again by people. But this has also been my way of being accepted.To cut a long story short I have very few friends and almost no close friends - this became very clear to me when I separated from my partner of 17 years (who was alcoholic). I am extremely highly qualified but I find work situations very, very stressful to deal with due to the social element. I currently work part time, minimal hours.The thing is, I was reluctant to bring up the possibility, with my counsellor, that I may have Aspergers - I am aware that there are tests and have done some online and been told I have a high chance of being diagnosed with it. I have responded really well to the counselling - my biggest problem is not in chit-chatting with people or in attracting people to me, but in sustaining friendships at a deeper level. My counsellor and I have discussed how the strange upbringing means that I have missed certain developmental stages, to do with socialising and asserting my needs in a social context and appropriately. I was really happy to understand this because it then meant we could 'implant' those stages and whilst I'd never be 'normal' I could have a chance of improving my life - I get so lonely. I didn't bring up my fears about Aspergers I suppose because I just wanted the counselling to work and felt it was working - and in a way it really is.But today my counsellor gently made clear that, were I to be tested for the Autism spectrum, I would probably be diagnosed with Aspergers - he put this very gently, as if it were a choice for me to make. He said that the reason he did not 'outright' diagnose me with Aspergers is that he is aware that I have a strong sense of reciprocation with others, and that I have always wanted this and up to a point can do it - and I don't lack feeling for others/can empathise. However, in many other respects, I definitely behave like an Aspie. In the session we discussed it and I came to the conclusion that I prefer to just manage my condition with the counselling. However, I've since thought that maybe this is not right - the reason I say this is that I'm aware that it is such a 'close call' between what I have and what may be Asperger's 'symptoms' and I am so very, very tired of not being able to easily explain to other people why I seem odd sometimes and/or just how exhausted I get, even though I care immensely about them. I was looking back over my life today and realising that time and time and time again people have been drawn to me thinking I'm lovely - I am! - because I am honestly a lot of fun sometimes and very compassionate, gentle and bright - but I get exhausted by social behaviour and sometimes people just think I'm weird/ get very confused and hurt by my behaviour, finding me cold. Everyone I know would say I have a very, very original way of thinking and I've just read that this can be a sign of Aspergers'. I am so upset to think that this might continue and might also affect my ability to work - and that it might make it easier all round for others and the way they treat me, if they know I have Aspergers. I am so confused and very upset. I have no family at all apart from my daughter who is now grown up and I am now concerned because I can see "Aspie' behaviour in her as well and I know for sure this is affecting her life, but without her being aware of any Aspergers possibility ie. without knowing she may have it.Can anyone please help as I simply don't know what to do and am very upset. At first I thought the label wouldn't mean or help anything. Now, I'm beginning to think it would really help others to relate to me, but I also feel like I'd 'cross a line' if I got diagnosed. Very confused.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2014): I'm going to start by strongly suggesting that you leave medical diagnosis up to those licensed and trained to test and treat you. Allow the professionals to reach their medical conclusions based on their extensive medical training and in-depth evaluation of your symptoms.
DO NOT GO ONLINE AND MAKE YOUR OWN DIAGNOSIS!!!! You can look up the symptoms and familiarize yourself; but don't panic and get ahead of the doctor!
That will create anxiety, and you will figure you have every symptom you see. You are getting the text-book symptoms. Usually suggesting the worst-case scenario.
The doctor has not given you a confirmed diagnosis; and it would do you well to know for certain. Not knowing doesn't change the facts. It only keeps you in the dark and you'll wonder anyway. You'll always wonder, what's behind door number two???
You are not reading the symptoms with the knowledge and skill of a mental-health professional. You are a laymen trying to avoid helpful information, based on your fears.
Fears and confusion symptomatic of a yet to be determined disorder.
You are in effect, working against your doctor.
Please don't do that!
By avoiding facts about your disorder or illness; you will avoid the necessary treatment. Your therapy is based on your doctor's medical diagnosis. Your response to treatment will depend on your full effort and cooperation. You must have patience, and maintain the belief you can deal with it.
Knowledge alleviates fear. Always realize that all patients are not the same; and each person responds differently to treatment. There are varying degrees of how people are effected by their diagnosed disorders; and the doctor will let you know all the details. Redirect your energies toward getting to the bottom of your mental-health problems; and finding a way to deal with them. The goal is to improve your quality of life, regardless of what comes your way.
You may be braver than you think.
You have to be courageous, and cooperative in every way you can. The doctor will dispel any misconceptions and anxiety brought on by trying to figure it out yourself. You're not a licensed therapist or clinical psychologist, are you? If you are, I stand corrected.
What do you plan to accomplish by avoiding a formal diagnosis? You may be giving in to just another symptom of your disorder; which makes it all the more necessary that you trust your doctor and be prepared.
You'll be just as anxious not knowing for sure; and you'll be left relying on your own unprofessional opinion.
Please trust your doctor to handle determining what your disorder may be. Ask for his medical opinion to determine what you need to know. You've got direct access to the best source of information. Your doctor! Patients going online trying to outwit their doctors pisses them off something fierce! You may as well never walk into a doctor's office. Would you attempt to do your own appendectomy? Sometimes it's better left to the professionals!
What have you really got to lose by doing that?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2014): No one can tell you to get the diagnosis or not. It can seem upsetting as right now all you want is to make that progress and getting a diagnosis could help or hinder that. The thing you want to think is, do you want to differentiate yourself with that label? Will it build bridges of acceptance in the workplace or in your social life, will you be able to build a greater support network around you and perhaps meet similar people living with it if you do indeed have it.
You seem like you really WANT to have a bit more control over the social aspect of your life, would a diagnosis make you feel like you're more or less in control of the situation? The important thing is a diagnosis will not solve all of your problems, you are taking all the right steps in going to your counselling with a positive attitude. It's never going to be easy with your past, but try and learn to enjoy your own company, pursue your own interests and don't let the social aspect of work or interacting stress you out too much, believe me plenty of people without Aspergers have trouble with this, because plenty of us need time away from the workplace and constantly having to be sociable with everyone. Sorry my answer may not be the best help, I just hope you come to the right decision for you. Best of luck
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