A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Folks, I got caught snooping this weekend while visiting my boyfriend. He looked at me shook his head and walked off to the bathroom. I went in there to beg him to forgive me. He said he did not want to talk about it and he is not mad.The next day we went to church. Was barely talking and when we came home we ate and took a nap. When he got up I told him I am bored and we should go out and blow out some steam since I will be leaving the next day. He agreed and we hung out and everything was cool.Before the end of the night, we went to his close family house and there was this girl at the door he was saying hi to. The exchange was really awkward. Before the end of the night, he proceeded to go hug her and she lashed at him saying "so you know me now?" He yelled at her saying "What do you mean?" and walked away grabing me to tell me to let us leave.We did not have sex that night. I was sleeping and he threw a pillow at me. He made small argument about how I watch too much reality shows and if we get married we are going to have seperate rooms. I just kept quiet. I thought all was well. I guess not.The next morning, I cooked breakfast, we ate and proceeded to the airport. On the way, he started telling me how he does want to open up to me and hates that I snoop on me and that no girl ever did this to him. He feels like I do it to prove that I am smart and can catch him. He then said that he and the girl from the other night went out together before. I asked if she knows about me. He said yes but did not know who I was. I did not belive him. I think he got caught in his foolishness. He took the girl out on a date and the girl now knows he ahs a girl and was in her feelings and he is mad that he got caught. Folks this is the reason why I snoop. I hate it but I dont trust this guy. People tell me do I have proof he cheated? ANd I really dont have any proof or any indication that he cheats sexually. He does cheat emotionally. He confessed that he does stupid things and he is slowly working on his behavior but I need to know he is not having sex. Whatever the case maybe, I dont like how it makes me feel. He feels like because he ahs told me he chose me to be hsi wife, I should not worry about other girls. But why wont I worry? Who doesn't want to feel love and affection from their partner. Anyways at the end of the conversation, I apologized for the snooping. We got out of the car and he gave me a hug. Then he refused to kiss me. I thought we were saying our final goodbye and walked away without even looking at him. He started blowing up my phone and when I answered he asked if I was ok. I said Yes. He then asked to see me this weekend.I am confused. One minute I thought he was breaking up with me now he is asking to see me this weekend. Is he trying to use me or pay back? I dont get it. I want to know if a man can forgive his girl when caught snooping. If men dont forgive, I think i better not be wasting my time with this man and leave him before he hurts me again. I am so tired of this relationship. It has realyy drained me. People say its because I snoop on him a lot that is why I am always hurt. I know I made my mistake but he gave me reason to snoop on him. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2012): I think you did the right thing- he doesn't deserve your loyalty or anything else. I hope you feel better.
His behavior is entirely his fault. He is basically saying to you, even though I'm a cheater you should mind your own business and let me do that while I lie to you, jerk you around and pretend to phase my cheating out and to be in the process of making a full commitment to you. You're already in a relationship. You either make a commitment or you don't, there is no in-between.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 March 2012):
 Sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs.. or date em.
But in any relationship you have to be honest. To yourself and your partner.
He wasn't a keeper.. It happens.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 March 2012):
 OP thank you for the update.
I doubt he was expecting this. And it’s common for cheaters and liars to try to turn it around and make it your fault when clearly it’s not. IT clearly is NOT your fault and I for one am very proud of you for doing something SO HARD.
A year and a half is a nice chunk of change that you invested in trying to make something work with someone. EVEN if he could be the man you WANT him to be… until he is that man you are better off without him. We can’t love someone’s potential… we can only love them where they are. IF they grow and mature that’s a bonus but if we love the person we need and WANT them to be and they are Not that person then we are disappointed and it’s NOT THEIR FAULT.
Take some time to heal and best of luck to you. I’m sorry for your pain.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just broke up with him. Reason "no trust". He said he has been expecting this from me. He is playing the victim here. I feel good about what I did. He has taken advantage of me for too long. I wish him well. He said it is my snooping that caused the emotional drama and he has tried all he could to make this relationship work. I seriously doubt it. I fasted and prayed for this man and he has disrespected me a lot. He says he is cutting off his behavior and he didnt need me to be in it. Only if I had stayed away from his privacy.
I still am not happy even when Im not looking around him. I dont think he can ever be the man I want him to be. Deuces. So long for 11/2 yrs of loyalty and devotion to one man.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 March 2012):
Sorry if you feel like you have "reason" to snoop, you don't trust and honestly in any relationship if you can't trust it's hard to keep feeling respect, love and honesty towards another person.
He seems really manipulative towards you and you seem to either be passive/aggressive or to totally stick your head in the sand.
If you want to be with this guy you two need to talk.
Snooping is bad, it's an invasion of privacy. But just look at how your BF makes YOU out to be the only bad guy here.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2012): He's a cheater, you need to end the relationship. In your own words, it's exhausting you and you're tired of it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2012): sometimes cheating on an emotional level is worse but u need to make a decision because if you cant trust him then the relationship wont work! you will just keep hurting yourself snooping, you shouldnt have left the ball in is court
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 March 2012):
doesn't matter what HE wants or or why he's doing it.
what do YOU want?
why would you want to be forgiven for snooping when he owes YOU an apology? He cheats on you (emotional cheating is still cheating)
are you really considering marrying a man who you don't trust that emotionally cheats on you?
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