A
male
age
36-40,
*ownUnder
writes:ok so here's a place i can finally write without friends knowing who i am.it's been 2 years with her. well that i've been chasing her. she's my absolute best-friend and i love her with everything i've got.we had a relationship forever ago. when we first met. it lasted a week. but after that we still came to grow closer..much closer. she comes to me with everything. she tells me everything. about all the guys the things they do the things they say. and it kills me to know that i wouldn't do those things to her but i cant get the chance to show that. it was a year ago i told ehr how i felt it was the worst i ever felt when i got rejected.. so i left and went to the military, and now im back home. all the time she said she didnt want a boyfriend then i found that 4 days after i left she had a one, and i'd never felt so angry they went for a while. i didnt talk to her for a while. then when i got to another phase of training we started talkin.....every day. all the time. i felt like she was a part of my life again. i got home and she didnt seem to interested again so i decided to move on and i got a girlfriend then 2 weeks ago on my birthday. she was out with a friend and she asked her friend " is it wrong that i have feelings for him?" but not once has she even shown that she might...since i can remember only as a friend. now is that the classic a girl wants what she cant have? cuz my girlfriend and i broke up and since then it seems like she got distant againstill i sit by as i watch her struggle with guys and it still kills me.i love her so damn much...... so much.when she smiles at me i meltwhen she calls me or texts me. i get happier she makes my days better. but still she plays the distance game.i just dont know what to i've gone over many times in my head what i want to say but when i see her i'm just so happy to see her i don't want to ruin it. i just wish i could know what she wants from me. if she wants me to just stand by and be her best-friend or try something. shes the last thing i think about before i go to sleep and the first when i wake up. i find myself listening to songs that remind me of her. and i know its not good for me. if someone has advice for me or thinks they might understand what she wants or needs from me please do so and respond.i hope someone can help me
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male
reader, DownUnder +, writes (23 October 2008):
DownUnder is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks, you kinda hit the target dead on there it's almost like you're her....its weird. i do a pretty good job of suckin it up most of the time, but i can't hold a relationship if i tried because all i think about is her whenever im with someone else.
The worst part of everything is that i know shes perfect for me. were already so close..but maybe thats the problem...so to speak, well not the problem but you know what im sayin.
All i want is to hear what she really feels, maybe closure is all i need to get over it seeing as it's obvious she doesnt want me... it sucks and its hard but, at this point im pretty much fresh out of ways to prove i wouldnt fuck with her, our friendship is more important to her, so i'll just let it be from now on then.
thanks for the response it was exactly what i was lookin for a perspective on the opposite side of things.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): So Im a girl and I have a similar situation with my best friend. We didnt really date but we were together for a bit and then we were still best friends...however, he liked me all along...and i kind of knew but never wanted to accept it because he is my best friend, and thats worth more sometimes. Because sometimes with all the shitty guys that come along, its nice to know there is a guy that is decent (at least with me)...and you don't want to ruin it....He started dating someone else and I freaked as well so I went to him wanting more than friends, and then realized that was a stupid move so I distanced myself..... I can't tell you if that girl has feelings for you or not...but I think you need to realize its not about you, its about her and probably her problems with commitment, with trusting men. If she likes you, she is probably scared of getting into a real relationship with you, because out of all the guys she wouldn't want to hurt you. Its like testing it out on other guys that are not worth as much....so my advice is just to be a friend..be there for her, but at the same time open up yourself to opportunities if they come..if you can talk to another girl, then do so. If you can go out with friends instead of waiting around for her to call. Do so....
but don't abandon her, because losing a friend over something like this hurts, a lot..and she will come running when she thinks she lost you, because she probably cares about you.....
so to wrap it up....you can't help feel the way you feel, its going to burn for a while but either someone else will come along...or she is going to work out her issues....my advice is not to beat yourself up for it. Acknowledge it. Understand it and let time show you what is meant for you.
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A
male
reader, DownUnder +, writes (19 October 2008):
DownUnder is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you both for the input. the thing is if i try and move on when i do she's gonna go back to trying to bring me closer and then when i get that feeling i'll just break up with whoever im with. it's like a curse. can't have anything good because all i think about is her thats why i broke up with my last girlfriend i couldnt stop thinking about her... and it wasnt right
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A
male
reader, DownUnder +, writes (19 October 2008):
DownUnder is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you both for the input. the thing is if i try and move on when i do she's gonna go back to trying to bring me closer and then when i get that feeling i'll just break up with whoever im with. it's like a curse. can't have anything good because all i think about is her thats why i broke up with my last girlfriend i couldnt stop thinking about her... and it wasnt right
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2008): Dude, Im totally in that same situation, why do our chicks have to act interested ONLY when you are with someone else, THEN, when you're available, they push you away again? All I can say is we'll both just have to find someone else, either to make her jealous, or to move on from her, as hard as that may be to actually do. :(
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2008): Hey militaryguy,I think that it sounds like she knows you're a great guy but only wants you when she thinks someone else may have possibly taken you from her. She wants you as a backround guy so that if something fails she knows you'll be there for her. The fact that you care about her is just a bonus. If I were you I wouldn't spend so much time chasing her and just let her come to you. For now just go out and have fun with other people don't let this situation bother you or get to you because then you're just making yourself miserable. Go out and be happy. I hope this helped some. Take care
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