A
male
age
30-35,
*andomando
writes:I dont understand my break up at all. My girlfriend broke up with me because I screwed up. I was drunk and went on my computer and facebook sexted a girl I wasnt supposed to talk to at all. I wasnt aloud to talk to this girl so I didnt. I wasnt friends with her on facebook because my girlfriend wouldnt let me but we did know each other. Some one made a couple rumors about me and her about 6 months ago. The rumors were not true but ,my girlfriend believed them. She ended up breaking up with me, not letting me explain anything or even listen to what I had to say because her past is full of cheating. I became friends with this girl. Just friends during my 2-3 week break up. I mostly just talked about how dumb this was.When she took me back. I wasnt aloud to talk to her. So i didnt.One day my roomate asked me about that whole situation and I explained it to him. That night we got really drunk and I think just bringing her up again made my subconscious want to contact her. So I did and we talked and the talking turned to sexting. I woke up saw her posts on my news feed and knew I wasn't supposed to talk to her so I deleted her from my friends list so I wouldnt start a fight. I didnt remember or know we talked. 2 and a half weeks later my girlfriend went through my computer and somehow got on my facebook and saw the conversation. I didnt know what to say or tell her. i was so confused and just knew that night was the night I must have talked to her. But i mean if i knew we had this conversation I would have deleted it.. But i didnt know my girlfriend was gona go through all my shit and I had to check everything.I really dont think this is that big of a deal to the point where it has taken us. I honestly just feel i made a mistake. I mean i know this is bad and I would have to do alot to earn her trust back. But I just dont get what she is telling me. She sad this to me before when we broke up I will never get back with you, you lost me forever, Your an ass hole, I will never trust you again... She has told me this before and I honestly thought we were over and shes doing it again. But she is saying things like I love you I will always love you. and things like I wont let u come back this easy.. or this quote on her tumbler.."There is this person that no matter what they did wrong, we always give them another chance. Not because they actually deserve it, but because they are special for us." What does this mean. I dont understand she still contacts me everyday. Do normal breaks up end up with the girl that breaks up with you still contacts you and wants to talk? I dont get this at all. I dont know if shes gone or what. I honestly feel we are able to get past my mistake but i mean im getting mixed signals. Help plzzz I love her and want her back. What does this mean? can i get her back? how? how do i get her trust back?
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broke up, drunk, facebook, her past, I love you Reply to this Question
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male
reader, landomando +, writes (25 September 2011):
landomando is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDeactivate my facebook. Stop drinking. Be smart and think things through.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 Try and look at this from her point of view. She heard rumours that something happened with you and this girl then she took you back then she finds the conversation on facebook. From her point of view this is going to bring all her insecurities back up again and make her feel that you were completely lying to her and making a fool out of her the entire time. She loves you but she is insecure and doesn't trust you, and am not sure that you will ever be able to earn that trust back. She has had it happen to her to many times in the past so my view is she is going to struggle to trust men anyway and you have just fuelled her insecurities more.
You say you are confused as to what is happening because she is giving off mixed signals. But she is doing this because she is confused herself. She is angry and upset with you and she feels that the relationship should be over because the trust is gone, but on the other hand she loves you and wants to be with you and wants everything to be OK. In my opinion I think she will take you back, but I think it will be a rocky relationship because she will become obsessive and won't even allow you to look at another girl, and this is not healthy either. The trust needs to be back before this relationship can work.
So talk to her. Be completely honest and tell her how you feel. Tell her you love her, show her that you are sorry, make sure you tell her everything that you done. Show her that you want to earn her trust back and work hard to show her that you can be trusted. You say that you don't even remember having this conversation with this girl. This shows the dangers of alcohol. So maybe you can start by telling her that you are going to stop drinking so much. This will show her that you care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2011): i have had the same with my husband on facebook and it nearly distroyed our marriage. You may have well as gone out and slept with someone, it's equally distroying.
We both loved one another enough to both decide to DE-ACTIVATE FACEBOOK because of the issues it causes.
If you want things to work in the relationship maybe it's the way forward.
Every problem seems to have Facebook involved now adays, what does that tell you?
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (25 September 2011):
If you don't understand what is happening in your break up, it is because you aren't communicating with her properly. Which is understandable, because you are broken up. But you feel like you need to know what is going on. So you need to communicate. Here is what you do.
You need to communicate with her in 3 areas, which I will outline. You can do this in person, but it might be better to write it all down in a letter. The reason is, conversations can get side tracked and you might not get a chance to say everything you need to say. Also, a letter is something you can spend a bit of time getting just right, you can say everything you need to, and she can take it away with her to think about over time.
The 3 things you need to communicate are:
- You need to tell her exactly what happened, your version of the story, how you feel about what happened and what you you would like to happen now.
- You need to ask her all of the questions you are confused about, or don't know the answer to. Come up with a list of questions you would like to know where you stand with.
- You need to ask her what she would like to happen, how she feels, what she thinks she needs you to do to earn her trust. You need to ask her if there is a way you guys can try to overcome this as a team, together. Does she want to fight for her relationship with you?
The third part is the most important, it is what she wants from you. You need to really listen to her, and take on board what she wants from you, and let her know if there is anything you don't think you can do, or that you don't think is right, in case she is asking you to do things as a way of manipulating you to get back at you. However, if you think what she is asking you is fair and reasonable, and you agree to it, you need to do exactly what she says and not screw it up or your relationship will not survive. It is time to say what you mean, and mean what you say. Be honest, and if you agree to something, do it and stand by it. If you can do that, over time, your relationship will get back on track. If you are prepared to put that work, effort and committment into your relationship, she will love you for it, but don't agree to do anything that you don't think is right or that you aren't comfortable with. Just be honest, and true to yourself, or it won't work.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 Wow, she sounds really insecure, you say her past is full of cheaters and she seems very paranoid, to the point of telling you that you can't talk to some people. Facebook destroys lives and relationships everyday, it's not good tbh.
When she says 'There is this person that no matter what they did wrong, we always give them another chance. Not because they actually deserve it, but because they are special for us' I know exactly what she means. As hurt as she is by this sexting business, she still loves you and is desperate to be able to trust you, as she has been broken down so many times by other cheaters in her past. You still mean alot to her, and on the surface she is willing to forgive you as you mean alot to her. I have a similar person in my life like this.
You want to earn her trust back? Then be prepared to put in A LOT of work. In all honesty, I suggest you delete facebook all together, then nothing like this can happen again for a start, then she needs reassurance and to be able to see that you are prepared to do anything (within reason of course) to build that trust back. She only said that you had lost her forever because she was so angry and hurt. If you do get back together, take things slowly.
Best of luck :)
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