A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Can someone say that they have grown and matured after they have cheated on someone, if they plan to never tell their partner they cheated on them? Can someone actually feel that they will never "do it again" and have grown from the experience and the guilt, if they are capable of lying to their partner every day and never confess what they have done or confess that they have betrayed their partner? Doesn't lying lack maturity, and isn't lying (big lies) a true sign of lack of respect and control? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): People lie for lots of reasons.
Fear, shame, regret, wishing to spare others pain and shame and regret, the list is enormous.
In relationships trust is important, and knowing you can trust the other person and that they can trust you is important. "handling the truth" is an important issue.
Don't judge someone, or yourself, to harshly. Personally, and professionally, I know people who have lied to protect themselves and their loved ones from the consequences (or imagined consequences) of telling the truth. In some cases that lying led them down the path to self destruction because they couldn't handle the lying.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): I believe lying is a choice, and when it comes to maturity one has to be honest, no matter the cost. I have been in this situation....and still am, and I will leave if it comes to compromising my values. I no I have come clean on all my short comings, and if I have then she has to also. You can't live with lies no matter if they are little white lies, because there is no such thing, always speak the truth no matter what and you will get respect if nothing else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): He probley has real stronge feelings but feelings arent enough to consider one to be mature enough to respect u. If he doesnt want to hurt u or deal with it he shldnt have done it to begin with. Tryn to cover it up and forget about it is selfish. And if he doesnt have what it takes to resolve it in a truthful way then hes probley going to do it again. Whatever his excuse is, its wronge. If he had a moment of weakness and is truely regreting it, do you really think hes taking any blame at all. U atleast deserve an apology and u cant have that without a confession, hes too worried about it not going the way he wants that he forgot what u want. U should leave and find a guy who can admitt to his faults instead of trying to blind u of his secret single life that ur not allowed to have one of
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): The question was supposed to infer at the end that lying is a lack of respect toward the person being lied to, and as a form of manipulation and control of the other person, NOT as lacking "self-control." Sorry wasn't clear....
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A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (24 October 2010):
 Some people claim they want their partner to tell them "The Truth" When in actuality, Most people "Can't handle the truth the truth" *In my Jack Nicholson* That take me to what you asked about Maturity,"Lying has nothing to with Maturity" * In Judge Joe Brown voice* Your parents will lie IF that means you won't go hungry. YOU will lie if will keep your gas on one more day! I will lie but not for "FREE" LOL! It's something about the eye's the make us "LIE" How can you tell you husband!!! "Yes.I cheated on you" When you KNOW!!!! He has "CROCODILE" TEARS? YOU CAN'T!!! But..Yet..& still "WE~CHEAT" & LIE! That's life! No watered advice here!
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