A
male
age
41-50,
*orkchop135
writes:my wife left me in november and to be fair at first i was glad of the peace and quiet, the background is iv two boys from a previous relationship and my wife has one, we also have a daughter who is now three, we had a whirlwind romance and probably married to quick although we never regretted it, life has been very stressful for us at times and in the last two years i changed alot, i start smoking weed and going out to friends houses etc which in turn caused alot of fights, we tried counceling but i wasnt really into it although it seemed to help short term i ended up chatting to a girl online my wife found out and left cant blame her at all, from the minute she left i realised what i had lost and regret what i did everyday, iv stopped smoking wee and cigs, stopped wasting money basically all the things she didnt like about me, i love her and want her back, she says she loves me as well but we seem to be drifting further and further apart, i cant sleep at night and am so lonely, there is alot more to the story she recently took up faith healing which i dont agree with and everytime i mention it to her she flys off the handle and wont speak to me for days on end, wont reply to texts or answer the phone, this is when i kick off due to frustration, she says she is scared of me, ( iv never or would hurt a woman ) its always one step forward two steps back, im trying so hard and really want my family back please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): you drove your wife away, and now you've decided you want her back. that's selfish, it's all about you. If you've truly changed for the better, then show it by respecting her peace of mind by leaving her alone.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): You can't control what she does, so stop trying.
If you want her back, then you need to be the best person you can be, whether she comes back or not, and be the best father you can be, regardless of what she does.
Start doing that, she may or may not come back, but that shouldn't be your motivation.
Stop trying to control her thinking, work on your own.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): OK so you've realised you have made mistakes. You want her back. Then don't knock her for having an interest that she believes in and enjoys. It's her life to choose and you should respect that. It sounds as if you may be a little controlling. If you want her back then you need to not only say you know you have made mistakes but that you recognise that she is her own woman. If this sticks in the throat, then don't both to try to get back with her because you know that the road will be too rocky. I suggest you need to accept that a successful relationship need compromise to work. You can do it, but you really need to put yourself out and then stick with it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): Right so you were a naughty boy and chatted to a girl online. You admit you had some other bad habits too. You had your wake-up call when she walked out. Responding by changing everything you knew upset her. Well done.
She has the Faith Healing which you disagree with. You mention it and she goes off on one. No compramise,even though she knows how you feel.
The fact she says she is scared of you is worrying, if you have never harmed her. Is it an excuse to stay away? Do you think she wants to come back? Its a huge step she took, walking away with the children so things must have been bad for her.
Its NOT all your fault,their are 2 of you here. Something more is going on. Now, you want her back,are sorry and clearly love her. Can you get counselling together again? You need to sit with somebody else, the two of you, and see if theres a way forward. Or at the very least meet in a public place and talk to each other.No 'losing it' just adult conversation.
Sometimes however being in love isn't enough, some couples are just destructive together. This could be one of those times.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll  +, writes (7 February 2012):
 i agree with honesty , you need to set down someplace and talk . tell her how you feel, how lonely you are without her . pour out your heart to her and let her know you are being real, that what you are saying is from deep within you. tell her you have made some changes to your life. you will need to let her see the changes in you. trust takes time to regain. it will not be over night that she will regain trust in you. you need to let her know you love her and want her in your life, that your life is empty without her and the kids. and you will have to be supportive of her , even if you don't see eye to eye in some of her decisions . it be give and take.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 February 2012):
 You need to tell her how you have been feeling. Just be honest with her and ask her is there any chance you can try and work things out again. Tell her you are sorry for what you done and that you know now that you love her and don't want to be without her. As for the faith healing, even though you don't agree with her about it, try and be supportive of it.
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