A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm needing help on what to do next in my situation .OK, so I checked his phone. But I had to. He's been acting strange lately. I saw a phone number that called him this morning. And the call lasted 23 minutes so he had a conversation with this person. The number is not in his contacts or under a name of people he knows.So, curiosity got the best of me. I entered it in an internet phone search and came up empty. It only told me it was a cell phone number in the city of Toronto. No name or address. I called it and a woman answered. She sounded young-ish. But it wasn't a business because she sounded too casual and didn't formally introduce herself in a professional manner. I just hung up. Now, I'm left wondering what to do? Should I tell him about it? Give him an opportunity to explain? I am thinking that if he is talking to another woman outside our relationship, then he will find some excuse for the call and brush it off. And I don't want that. Should I play coy? Not tell him I saw the number? It isn't a number I recognize either from his contacts. It's a new number.How can I find out on my own who it belongs to? What kind of excuse can I use if I called her? What does everyone think? I've trusted my husband through our 10 years. But lately he's been acting distant. And I've been wondering why. So, I checked his phone while he was in the kitchen eating lunch.Should I confront him or find out on the sly? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2018): Well if you keep him so sexually active and he doesn't have the time why are you so suspicious?
Call the number and ask, how can anyone second guess who it is and why they called?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2018): It's OP. As you can see, the plot thickened. Female anon, I don't truly believe he is having an affair. He simply doesn't have the time. And she lives an hour away. So, it's quite a distance to have a regular tryst. I keep him very sexually active and we spend a lot of time together. I would definitely KNOW if there was something in progress. But the number called once only. The call came in when I was home. It wasn't behind my back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2018): Worst case scenario is that your husband is having an affair or thinking of having an affair behind your back.
Assuming he is having an affair then they know you are onto them.
Judging by his reply about her techical problem you could also assume that he doesn't want to loose you.
So you are in the driving seat.
How you behave is up to you.
I suggest no further involvement with this Michelle!
Remember that this is your life and you are married.
Discuss with hubby how he feels about married people who have affairs.
He should drop a casual 23 minute conversational friend within minutes.
Even a back bench affair is quite droppable if the wife scents it.
If hubby doesn't get the hint then download some sample divorce papers and leave them lying somewhere he will notice.
This will be a very decisive moment for him.
If he enquires why tell him a friend asked your advice on the best way to handle her straying husband.
But keep it light hearted because hubby may not be up for so many changes in his security so fast.
Just go at a pace he can handle and include moments of happiness such as sharing a pizza,taking the dogs for a walk.
Take up a new hobby that keeps you out of your household role for at least 2 hours and make light of where you go because after ten years of marriage you shouldn't have to account for your time unless something is going drastically wrong.
And don't be too keen 'to save' the marriage as that gives him some indulgence time.
Tell him outright that if gets into an affair he will have to go and his married life with you is over.
And draw back a little and allow him the chance to make moves to demonstrate how important you are to him.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (3 November 2018):
 You suspect your husband is carrying on with this Michelle, and strongly enough to end the marriage, but you're sending HER friend requests??
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (2 November 2018):
You should be able to look up his call history on your cell phone company's website... If you see that number multiple times you know that he's lying, end of story.
I woulda try that before calling the number and introducing yourself. If it's the only time the number had called him then he's probably telling the truth.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2018): Tell him that you were looking for your phone and couldn't find it so you wanted to use his phone to dial your number. You then saw what you did. Ask him who he was calling. Tell him what you've told us... That he has been distant lately and that you're worried. See what he tells you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2018): OP again. I forgot to add at first he said Mike must have been at work. Then he said he was at Michelle's house. Hmmm. Somebody help me out here. I'm seriously considering ending this marriage. My husband does know Michelle from the past when she was married to his friend Mike. He's been over to their place in the past. Both Mike and Michelle used to be SWINGERS! I've already sent her a message on Messenger and a friend request!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2018): It's the OP. I asked my husband about the number. He said it was his friend Mike. I told him the # wasn't his or it would show his name. He said Mike called from his ex wife Michelle's house. He was there at 9 a.m fixing her computer. She has a husband by the way. He called my hubby as my hubby is a tech. But Mike has his own cell phone. Why call from Michelle's? If he has my husband's number already stored on his phone? Anyone see a problem?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 November 2018):
 Is it just ONE phone call? Or is that number someone he has called on a regular basis?
Could she be family? Family that he rarely contacts?
I do agree with WiseOwlE that I would call the number and introduce yourself and ask how she knows your husband.
Or you can use the peoplefinder/white pages and do a reverse look up ( not sure what it cost in Canada but I doubt it will be more than a few $)
OR simply ask him. What is going on with him. That you have noticed ha has been distant lately. See what comes up BEFORE talking about going through his phone. You went through his phone for a reason, something is off. While I don't condone snooping AT ALL, I find it low. It's already done and is nagging you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2018): Your husband has been acting distant and strange. He had a call from a private-number lasting 23 minutes. It's not listed in his contacts; and you're a concerned wife.
Call it again, and identify yourself as his wife. If she identifies herself, fine. If she hangs-up. Confront him.
If you hung-up, she will tell him she got a call from his phone number. If you can't find the number still on his phone, they're on to you.
You snooped. So you have to come clean; but it is also to your advantage, because he's the one who has to explain himself. You're being a wife. A wife gets suspicious; if her husband is becoming distant, acting weird, getting odd calls, and the number leads to a woman.
What you're afraid of is uncovering the truth. I think if you'd go as far as snooping; you should trust him enough to confront him straight-up. Get the facts to determine if it is on the up-and-up. You still need to know why he is becoming distant. Don't you?
There's something you sense to be wrong in your marriage, the only way to address it is to be direct. No beating around the bush!
Don't do anything on the sly. You're adults, and you have been married for the past 10 years. Be straightforward.
He might get pissed that you checked his phone; but you're his wife, not his girlfriend. Now explain who the woman is, and why she's not in your contacts? You feel there's a problem here, and you need to be honest with each other.
If he refuses to talk about it. It's what you suspect. You can still find the number, but will have to pay for the service.
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