A
female
age
51-59,
*elly_2008
writes:I met a man 6 weeks ago, and fell head over heels, but I need to mention I just came from a divorce at the end of january. I agreed in a week to marry him, I was stupid. I realize now I made a mistake, this man is very insecure, accusing me constantly of cheating when there is no reason to be. He screams at me telling me I'm f---ing someone I don't even know, but then apologizes later. I found out he put himself in a mental institution for depression last year and thought of suicide, now I find out he has been like this for years and was kicked out of Navy for depression, etc. He is not abusive at all, I don't fear for my life, now I have leased a place with him and have 5 months remaining, and I'm about to move in. I told him I no longer want to get married and I will be moving out after lease is over. I feel so terrible in rushing this. He is 7 years younger and has no kids and never been married and is so very insecure. I don't know what to do. He is not comfortable with me going anywhere with my friend and wants me with him constantly if I'm off work, which smothers me. Any advice is appreciated, thank you.
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female
reader, kelly_2008 +, writes (15 May 2009):
kelly_2008 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I had broke it completely off Tuesday evening. We were friends and it was ok, but the feelings I have did not go away. I spoke with his sister who then explained to me he is manic depressive and he has not gotten any more anti-depressants to help him. We spoke and agreed things need to slow way down, and just become friends and then see what happens from there. I very much enjoy being around him, but now I also spend some time by myself and my friends and I constantly miss him and he is always on my mind. But I think this is good for both of us, because when I felt I lost him, it hurt deeply......I will keep you posted. Thank you for all your advice...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): I agree with the above, you need to leave him, he has issues, as for being in love with him, i just want to challenge that for a moment, are you in love with him or are you in love with the feeling of being needed, (ive been in that trap and know of what I speak) seperate your own feelings toward uyourself from your feelings toward him, be honest with yourself and then spend some time on you, so you dont fall for another similar guy,
I hope this helps, you need to be strong.
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A
female
reader, kelly_2008 +, writes (12 May 2009):
kelly_2008 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt only seems to be getting worse. He was fine yesterday, then after he went to work last night, he calls me at 1am, telling me he walked back home from work, which is about 5 miles, he got a call that his sister was in a car accident and he panicked, turned out to be minor. But he was hollering crying regarding me and him splitting up and telling me he was just putting a front on to cover his feelings. He told me he wanted to go back home which is 90 miles away, but is unable to due to he would not have a job there. Questioning me that I will be his only one, etc etc. I tried to tell him he will be fine and that we are friends and I'm not going anywhere. He is really just freaking me out. I don't know what to do. I'm getting ready to tell him to have his friend start taking and picking him up from work, it's about 7 miles for me to drive one way, he doesn't drive either. I wanted to update you once more and will probably be updating again once I talk to him at lunch. He has such problems, but I cannot help him and I cannot deal with all of this, he is so obsessed with me that I don't know what to do!!
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A
female
reader, kelly_2008 +, writes (11 May 2009):
kelly_2008 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnother thing, I have to admit, I have fallen inlove with him, other than his insecurity, he is so perfect and loving and caring. I am so confused, I miss him terribly. Am I crazy? I sure feel like I am!!!
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A
female
reader, kelly_2008 +, writes (11 May 2009):
kelly_2008 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh my, he did threaten suicide a few days ago! But I have broken it off, and as for the rental, my name is still on it along with appliances we purchased, in my name on my card, and yes, I know now I was stupid for doing so. I did not move in though. I jumped way too far into this. We are friends now and I will not give any false hope as I have told him I am not ready for all of this. I wish I wasn't on Cloud 9 and did all this. We have agreed the appliances are mine and that he will pay me while he uses them, but I wish I could get out sooner, it will not be until November now, ug. Thank you again for your help!
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (8 May 2009):
 Unfortunately you have found yourself in a relationship with a man who is mentally ill, with a strong history of psychiatric issues. His needs and dependencies are part of the illness but you are not his doctor and have no obligation towards him. His physical appearance has nothing to do with how he feels about himself or the people around him. He perceives you as being 'too good' for him and cheating because of low self worth. He has tried treatment and it doesn't appear to have been successful.
Don't marry him because you feel sorry for him - leave the rental home and make it clear the relationship is over. Don't see him afterwards as it could give a depressed person false hope. I would say he may try to manipulate you by suggesting he will self harm etc if you don't marry him - ignore this, you have to protect yourself.
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A
female
reader, kelly_2008 +, writes (8 May 2009):
kelly_2008 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe only thing is I have no place to go, I have told him that I would be leaving once the lease is done. He is a wonderful person, but the insecurity troubles me. He is very good looking and I do not see why he has these problems. Thank you for your advice..
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (8 May 2009):
 Leave him, he's not stable enough to deal with a marriage! X
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